It's been 1 yr plus now since I last updated my blog. I don't care if ppl are not reading my blog. Cos I'm going to make my blog the place where I share my feelings with. Well, now I already have a bf... It's been 6 months already we're attached. There are many things we went through. Those small arguments which at times lead to big arguments. There were times we nearly break up. About 3 times? Hmm... But we manage to save our r'ship and last this long... Not to mention hurt. I've been hurt many times but I'm still strong and able to endure till today. And despite those hurts I've experienced, surprisingly I still love him. But right now, I'm very sad...... :'( At times I don't know what's the meaning of my presence i his life. When we started off at first, our days were very wonderful. He'll inform me wherever he goes. But now he rarely inform me he's going out. And I'll keep worrying. Then I'm the one who will always start to msg and ask where he is and all. Why must it always be me who have to do that? Today, I nvr receive any msg frm him. Not even one!!!! Does this mean that it has to be me again to start to talk?! Arghhh!! :'( Why is it that he doesn't seem to care bout me now? Maybe he still do but I don't feel it!!!! I want to go out and release my sadness. :(

Tomorrow will be considered my 2nd week of school. Hmm, well i'm glad to have a class better than my last yr's class, seriously. My classmates, be it chinese or indian, all are very friendly. I'm so happy! Last time, I felt that my classmates were a bit bias, in some way. Luckily now, the chinese guys in my class are very friendly and funny people. Almost everyday my class will laugh cos sometimes there are stupid jokes made by some of my classmates... This class is sooooo far better than last time. Last time, I felt like I don't exist in the class. I only had 1 close indian friend in the class. She is my bestfriend. Hmm, so happy that my another bestfriend is in the same course as me, only that she's a 3 yr course cos the 3rd yr she's taking a compulsory paramedic course.

So, talking bout friends in my class, I have wonderful classmates. Nxt wk will be having phase test(nursing prac test) bout transferring patient frm bed to wheelchair. It was quite fine.... Now is 1.34am already. I guess i'm not going to sleep, rather than sleeping for 2-3 hrs only. It will only cause me difficulty to wake up lor! In 6 and a half hrs, lesson starts already. At 9.30am-12.30pm, there'll be a telematch. 2 ppl frm my class volunteered to participate. Don't knw play what game. Then the rest of the classmates become spectators. Can't wait! I think I stop here la. Tk boleh tahan ah. So tired. -.-

Anyway, saw 'him' in sch today, but i looked away. wonder if he recognizes me or not. BYE!

Hello.... Long time I nvr update. Anyway, I went to school just now to take my 'O' level cert and testimonial. At the same time, I went to see my sj members train for their speech day rehearsal. :) Last week, 27 march, was sj's first aid competition. It was held at West Wood Sec Sch. Dian and hanisah couldn't follow, so I brought ashwini. :) We had fun....! We also had an entertainer to entertain us. He's not really an entertainer, but it felt like I'm entertained by looking at him. Haha.... Don't know why, but I felt entertained, even ashwini. I didn't expect him to be a sir by now. I was quite shocked actually. Then it reminds me back of my officers' request for me to join OTC(officer training course). I said I didn't want to join. I'm just afraid I can't cope being a busy maam plus studying at a same time. :) I was so happy on the fac day. Hehehehe. :) Erm, somehow, the sight of him makes me happy, seriously... I knew him since the sj combined camp between west wood and hillgrove in 2006. But we've nvr talked nor smile to each other. Therefore, it's so hard to talk, or even smile to him now. Plus I nvr join OTC, so it's impossible to be friends with him. Hmmm... Sad :( But frm his looks and his actions, I know he's a nice guy. Some people think that a handsome person usually is a playboy, or a bad boy. But for me, his handsome looks shows that he's a very nice and kind person. Haha. Hmm... How I wish I can be friends with him. Hope miracles happen.

Anyway, I'm thankful to Allah cos I've got into nursing, the course that I've been wanting, even though at the last min, it seemed impossible, but it felt like miracle cos there were vacancies for me. So, I got into Simei ITE, nitec nursing, together with my bestfriend, hanisah. :) This friday is my orientation. Then on monday will be starting school already. :) I'm so thankful to Allah. :D Looking forward to school. :)

Well... last two days my grandfather came to S'pore and he just went back to malacca just now morning. Hmm...... Yesterday, grandfather and my 2 younger brothers went to cousin's house. My mum was working till night, father went johor for silat competition, my sec 3 brother had ncc camp, and my sis went out with her boyfriend to find a dress for her dinner invitation nxt week. She told me it is compulsory for the NS guys to bring along a date for the dinner. If not, they have to stay in camp and will not be allowed to go home during weekends. Hmm.... So goooooooood. *Jealous* Anyway, nxt month will be her 4th year anniversary. Hmmmmmmm. May their r'ship last long.

So yesterday, grandfather, my two brothers and I left cousin's house ard 9.30pm+. When we were at the door, grandfather said to my aunt that my grandmother is really hoping that any of her grandchildren will marry m'sian people, so that we will always get to visit her at malacca. Then my aunt was like, "Athirah lah... Athirah boleh." Then I said to my grandfather, "Ibu tkkn kasi la.... Tkpela datuk. Tk perlu kahwin dgn org m'sia... Kite kahwin dgn org s'pore pun dah okay. Kite tetap akan bawa suami kite balik m'sia selalu...". Haha! Hmm... In few more years, I'll go malacca on my own if I'm free. :) In fact, I feel like visiting my grandparents often. But not now. Need money to take train to go there. Hmm.... If I go there, I feel very peaceful. The smell of burning leaves.... It makes the surrounding very peaceful. Can forget my problems and all..... Hehe. :) Actually, yesterday my grandfather did asked me if I want to go back kampung or not. But then I can't cos school is starting already nxt month. So sad.... :(

I wonder.... In few years' time, will I be able to go back m'sia to attend my relative's marriage? I mean, my m'sian relative that I'm quite close to... Hmm...... It's either I'm busy with work, and can't attend the wedding, or..... maybe I just don't feel like attending. Hmm.... Don't know la... In few years' time, everything can change. If the relationship now is not like last time, what more in the future? Will my 'family'ship with my relatives there become loose? Hmm, maybe not for some and maybe yes for some. Hmmm...... :(

Well, tomorrow I'm accompanying my aunt baiah to johor bahru. Same old thing actually. None other than accompanying her go larkin for massaging. And I'll have to wait for 1-1 and a half hour... So bored............. But the thought of me being in jb, just makes me feel less boring. Don't know why... Maybe because I'm not in my own country. LOL. Then maybe after that, we'll walk2 at city square mall and maybe watch movie too if there's good movie. That time I went jb and watched movie with her. Just RM10. Well... Maybe after that go eat and then make our way back to s'pore. Same old thing... Hehe. :D At least I don't feel bored rather than staying at home the whole day. That's my daily routine and it's so damn bored. Ashwini still schooling, and hanisah working... Hmmm...

During chinese new year holiday that time, I went to KL and visit grandparents at Malacca too. Hmm... this time it felt different compared to the past years... Really. Honestly, that was the first time I didn't really enjoy my trip. Erm, I have my own reason why I felt like that, but I won't tell. As per normal, I always keep things to myself. I will only share with my close bestfriends.

As time goes by, people change. So far, the people I feel that have changed the most is 2 people....

I've just came back frm m'sia. Hmm... overnight at malacca on saturday night, then the nxt morning make our journey to kl. Nek yah, my grandfather's younger sister who stayed in kl, waited at the kl toll to lead the way to sunway lagoon. Well.... her family followed along. Hmm, first played all the dry games, like roller coaster and the others. Actually I have height phobia, but I still insist to try the roller coaster.

When I lined up and saw the people on the roller coaster, it looks fine and the slope doesn't look steep. But just as I was on the roller coaster itself, I felt scared when it started to go up the slope. My heart was already beating fast and I was beginning to cry. Just as I tried to control my tears, the roller coaster went down the slope in a very fast speed. It was then I realised that the slope was steep. I just started to cry because couldn't stand the steep slope which the roller coaster went up and down for 2 times, i think. Couldn't even grab some air.

After that, I tried to gain strength and confidence and went to play the some sort of 'inverter' game, where the thing like turn the whole thing around until our body upside down in the air. It was much more scarier than the roller coaster. But since I tried to gain strength and threw away my fears after the roller coaster, I tried not to cry for the second one. Instead, I kept shouting "Ya Allah!" for like sooooo many times I couldn't even count. Maybe that gave me strength.

Then also walked on the long bridge. I hold on to the ropes at the side of the bridge cos it was shaky plus it was so high up frm the swimming pool below. Then played wet games. When I was in the water for so long, I got bored and just did nothing.

So after sunway lagoon, went don't knw where to buy some bread frm subway. Grabbed the chance cos s'pore's subway isn't halal. Then went to nek yah's house. At night, went to pasar mlm but nvr buy anything. I just don't like to buy things I want. I just buy things I need. Well, nxt day went to klcc then went to Nilai which is located between malacca and kl. That was where I separated frm nek yah's family. It was so sad, lagi2 cos ............ Hmm... all the way back spore I looked outside the car window, frm afternoon till night. Plus hear songs frm my hp and dream away, think bout things... Hais.... No one knws.

Entah bila lagi dpt balik m'sia... Tapi buat masa skrg ni, mungkin tak nak fikirkan sgt psl org2 kat sana..... Nanti takut org sini je yg rindukan org sana, tapi org sana tk rindukan org sini. Sia-sia aje...

I put this in my facebook wall:

"Walaupun kita begitu rapat dahulu, kini tdk. Kau seperti sudah berubah. Biarlah kita berjauhan untuk seberapa lamanya, walaupun hati ini terlalu merindukanmu. Aku terlalu ingin mengongsi cerita dan masalah padamu, kerana kau lah tempat aku bergantung untuk menceritakan suka dan dukaku dahulu. Namun kini aku berjauh hati utk mengongsi masalah dgnmu kerana aku rasa kau tdk seperti dahulu."

Only me who understand this, i guess.... I don't want to make it look obvious that I'm referring to the particular person. I don't want the person to knw how I feel. I wrote that to let out my feelings in general, that's all... Hmm...

Hmm.. esok gw bakalan ke m'sia. Akhirny gw bs g jauh utk ngelupain masalah apa skalipun bwt sementara waktu doang. Kalo gak, kepala gw bs pusing klo dsini mulu. Well, sbnrny gw mo ke kl. Mo ke sunway lagoon. Tp kr'na pake weekend car, jd cuman bs jln jam 3. Tar sampe melakany udah malem, jd gw bakalan nginap di rumah oma sama opa. Esok pgny bru beragkt ke kl. Hmm... Gak tau deh gmn nnt pas jmp org yg udah lama gw pgn jmp. Emang kgn sih.. tp msih rsa sebel ma dy. Gmn yahh..... Lgian jg mgkn gw bkln main" ke rumahny dy. Nginap jg! Hmm... gak tau deh!

Gw mo ngelepasin diri dr org" yg kayany gak bs ngelepasin gw. Maksudny, ngelepasin dri gw dr hati org" gtu deh! Soal hti kn ga bs dpaksa". Mang knapa jg sih org" pgn nyimpen org yg mreka cinta dlm hati sdgkn org itu gak cinta sma mreka? Kn cuman buang wktu... Mendingan cari aja org lain yg bs mencintaimu sepenuh hati... Dr rsa dsiksa kr'na cinta gak trbls.. Spt gw, gw lg coba nih utk ngelupain cowok yg gw cintai. Emang gak gampang sih... tp bs coba kr'na lma kelamaan mgkn bs hapusin mreka dr fikiran kta. Hmm... valentine's day udah deket. Gw emang ga ngerayain tp cuman tringat aja val. day tahun lalu. Itu emang kli pertama gw dapet kado dri seorg cowo. Makany, itulah hari yg gw gak bs lupa. Bs dkatakn hri yg brsejarah gtu deh...

Hmm... ya udah sampe dsini aja deh. Gw hrus nyiapin pakaian utk dbawa ke m'sia nnt. Tar klo gak siap, dmrh sama nyokap loh... Haha. Temen" deketku, gw bkln kgn sma kalian, terutama skali beastfriend gw, hanisah. Dy nyuruh gw pulang cepet krna takut kgn tuhhh... Ya udah.... DA........................

I'm suffering right now.... Have ulcer at the back of my mouth and it feels like toothache. So pain until I want to cry! :'( Can't eat, drink and talk well. It's really so pain. The ulcer is growing big. I'm so afraid. It's so damn pain... Plus I've been sneezing non-stop since just now. Not sure if it's cos of dust or i'm having a flu. Hais. Now I'm stress too. People are happy, but definitely I'm not. I'm suffering! :'( I just need someone to talk to, who understands me, and is CLOSE to me be it physically or mentally, near or far. :( With the ulcer hurting me so much, with nose kept sneezing, with other problems, i just can't take it. Probably I've disappointed many ppl i love, who put hope on me. I'm sorry... :(

MY PROFILE!
MY NAME IS UMI ATHIRAH BTE AZMI
I'M SINGLE BUT NOT AVAILABLE
I LOVE MY FAMILY
I LOVE MY WONDER HEROINE/BESTFRIEND,KAK HANISAH!
I LOVE ...... ??
I LOVE CHOCOLATE
I LOVE ICE CREAMS
I LOVE THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME
I LOVE MY GFs
I DON'T LIKE HYPOCRITES
I DON'T LIKE GANGSTERS
I HATE FLIRTATIOUS GUYS
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You know what? I love my bestfriend, SITI HANISAH!
Umi Athirah and Siti Hanisah are bestfriends!

Don't like me? CLICK HERE

Contact me :D
athirah_pink93@hotmail.com | Same..

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.
AND I WISH I GET TO GO TO MY KAMPUNG WHICH HAVE FULL OF MEMORIES WHEN I WAS YOUNG.
I'M GLAD OF WHO I AM.
I DON'T NEED EXPENSIVE STUFF TO LOOK GOOD.
GW BUKAN CEWE MATRE YACH.

{♥} Usamah :D
{♥} Kak Hanisah :D
{♥} Chippy :D
{♥} Edwin :D
{♥} SinJie :D
{♥} Fadhilah :D
{♥} Dhalifah :D
{♥} Fathin :D
{♥} SL KaiXin :D
{♥} Nicholas :D
{♥} Zoe :D
{♥} Faisal :D
{♥} Saliyanti :D
{♥} Rima Melati Adams :D
{♥} Norfasarie :D
{♥} Suzairhe :D
{♥} Misliana :D
{♥} Syimah :D
{♥} Kak Zie :D
{♥} Abg Muhd :D

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