T-rah

2011-06-19T19:27:00.002+08:00

It's been 1 yr plus now since I last updated my blog. I don't care if ppl are not reading my blog. Cos I'm going to make my blog the place where I share my feelings with. Well, now I already have a bf... It's been 6 months already we're attached. There are many things we went through. Those small arguments which at times lead to big arguments. There were times we nearly break up. About 3 times? Hmm... But we manage to save our r'ship and last this long... Not to mention hurt. I've been hurt many times but I'm still strong and able to endure till today. And despite those hurts I've experienced, surprisingly I still love him. But right now, I'm very sad...... :'( At times I don't know what's the meaning of my presence i his life. When we started off at first, our days were very wonderful. He'll inform me wherever he goes. But now he rarely inform me he's going out. And I'll keep worrying. Then I'm the one who will always start to msg and ask where he is and all. Why must it always be me who have to do that? Today, I nvr receive any msg frm him. Not even one!!!! Does this mean that it has to be me again to start to talk?! Arghhh!! :'( Why is it that he doesn't seem to care bout me now? Maybe he still do but I don't feel it!!!! I want to go out and release my sadness. :(

2010-04-23T01:23:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be considered my 2nd week of school. Hmm, well i'm glad to have a class better than my last yr's class, seriously. My classmates, be it chinese or indian, all are very friendly. I'm so happy! Last time, I felt that my classmates were a bit bias, in some way. Luckily now, the chinese guys in my class are very friendly and funny people. Almost everyday my class will laugh cos sometimes there are stupid jokes made by some of my classmates... This class is sooooo far better than last time. Last time, I felt like I don't exist in the class. I only had 1 close indian friend in the class. She is my bestfriend. Hmm, so happy that my another bestfriend is in the same course as me, only that she's a 3 yr course cos the 3rd yr she's taking a compulsory paramedic course.

So, talking bout friends in my class, I have wonderful classmates. Nxt wk will be having phase test(nursing prac test) bout transferring patient frm bed to wheelchair. It was quite fine.... Now is 1.34am already. I guess i'm not going to sleep, rather than sleeping for 2-3 hrs only. It will only cause me difficulty to wake up lor! In 6 and a half hrs, lesson starts already. At 9.30am-12.30pm, there'll be a telematch. 2 ppl frm my class volunteered to participate. Don't knw play what game. Then the rest of the classmates become spectators. Can't wait! I think I stop here la. Tk boleh tahan ah. So tired. -.-

Anyway, saw 'him' in sch today, but i looked away. wonder if he recognizes me or not. BYE!

2010-04-07T23:44:00.002+08:00

Hello.... Long time I nvr update. Anyway, I went to school just now to take my 'O' level cert and testimonial. At the same time, I went to see my sj members train for their speech day rehearsal. :) Last week, 27 march, was sj's first aid competition. It was held at West Wood Sec Sch. Dian and hanisah couldn't follow, so I brought ashwini. :) We had fun....! We also had an entertainer to entertain us. He's not really an entertainer, but it felt like I'm entertained by looking at him. Haha.... Don't know why, but I felt entertained, even ashwini. I didn't expect him to be a sir by now. I was quite shocked actually. Then it reminds me back of my officers' request for me to join OTC(officer training course). I said I didn't want to join. I'm just afraid I can't cope being a busy maam plus studying at a same time. :) I was so happy on the fac day. Hehehehe. :) Erm, somehow, the sight of him makes me happy, seriously... I knew him since the sj combined camp between west wood and hillgrove in 2006. But we've nvr talked nor smile to each other. Therefore, it's so hard to talk, or even smile to him now. Plus I nvr join OTC, so it's impossible to be friends with him. Hmmm... Sad :( But frm his looks and his actions, I know he's a nice guy. Some people think that a handsome person usually is a playboy, or a bad boy. But for me, his handsome looks shows that he's a very nice and kind person. Haha. Hmm... How I wish I can be friends with him. Hope miracles happen.

Anyway, I'm thankful to Allah cos I've got into nursing, the course that I've been wanting, even though at the last min, it seemed impossible, but it felt like miracle cos there were vacancies for me. So, I got into Simei ITE, nitec nursing, together with my bestfriend, hanisah. :) This friday is my orientation. Then on monday will be starting school already. :) I'm so thankful to Allah. :D Looking forward to school. :)

2010-03-19T16:07:00.002+08:00

Well... last two days my grandfather came to S'pore and he just went back to malacca just now morning. Hmm...... Yesterday, grandfather and my 2 younger brothers went to cousin's house. My mum was working till night, father went johor for silat competition, my sec 3 brother had ncc camp, and my sis went out with her boyfriend to find a dress for her dinner invitation nxt week. She told me it is compulsory for the NS guys to bring along a date for the dinner. If not, they have to stay in camp and will not be allowed to go home during weekends. Hmm.... So goooooooood. *Jealous* Anyway, nxt month will be her 4th year anniversary. Hmmmmmmm. May their r'ship last long.

So yesterday, grandfather, my two brothers and I left cousin's house ard 9.30pm+. When we were at the door, grandfather said to my aunt that my grandmother is really hoping that any of her grandchildren will marry m'sian people, so that we will always get to visit her at malacca. Then my aunt was like, "Athirah lah... Athirah boleh." Then I said to my grandfather, "Ibu tkkn kasi la.... Tkpela datuk. Tk perlu kahwin dgn org m'sia... Kite kahwin dgn org s'pore pun dah okay. Kite tetap akan bawa suami kite balik m'sia selalu...". Haha! Hmm... In few more years, I'll go malacca on my own if I'm free. :) In fact, I feel like visiting my grandparents often. But not now. Need money to take train to go there. Hmm.... If I go there, I feel very peaceful. The smell of burning leaves.... It makes the surrounding very peaceful. Can forget my problems and all..... Hehe. :) Actually, yesterday my grandfather did asked me if I want to go back kampung or not. But then I can't cos school is starting already nxt month. So sad.... :(

I wonder.... In few years' time, will I be able to go back m'sia to attend my relative's marriage? I mean, my m'sian relative that I'm quite close to... Hmm...... It's either I'm busy with work, and can't attend the wedding, or..... maybe I just don't feel like attending. Hmm.... Don't know la... In few years' time, everything can change. If the relationship now is not like last time, what more in the future? Will my 'family'ship with my relatives there become loose? Hmm, maybe not for some and maybe yes for some. Hmmm...... :(

Well, tomorrow I'm accompanying my aunt baiah to johor bahru. Same old thing actually. None other than accompanying her go larkin for massaging. And I'll have to wait for 1-1 and a half hour... So bored............. But the thought of me being in jb, just makes me feel less boring. Don't know why... Maybe because I'm not in my own country. LOL. Then maybe after that, we'll walk2 at city square mall and maybe watch movie too if there's good movie. That time I went jb and watched movie with her. Just RM10. Well... Maybe after that go eat and then make our way back to s'pore. Same old thing... Hehe. :D At least I don't feel bored rather than staying at home the whole day. That's my daily routine and it's so damn bored. Ashwini still schooling, and hanisah working... Hmmm...

During chinese new year holiday that time, I went to KL and visit grandparents at Malacca too. Hmm... this time it felt different compared to the past years... Really. Honestly, that was the first time I didn't really enjoy my trip. Erm, I have my own reason why I felt like that, but I won't tell. As per normal, I always keep things to myself. I will only share with my close bestfriends.

As time goes by, people change. So far, the people I feel that have changed the most is 2 people....

2010-02-17T20:44:00.002+08:00

I've just came back frm m'sia. Hmm... overnight at malacca on saturday night, then the nxt morning make our journey to kl. Nek yah, my grandfather's younger sister who stayed in kl, waited at the kl toll to lead the way to sunway lagoon. Well.... her family followed along. Hmm, first played all the dry games, like roller coaster and the others. Actually I have height phobia, but I still insist to try the roller coaster.

When I lined up and saw the people on the roller coaster, it looks fine and the slope doesn't look steep. But just as I was on the roller coaster itself, I felt scared when it started to go up the slope. My heart was already beating fast and I was beginning to cry. Just as I tried to control my tears, the roller coaster went down the slope in a very fast speed. It was then I realised that the slope was steep. I just started to cry because couldn't stand the steep slope which the roller coaster went up and down for 2 times, i think. Couldn't even grab some air.

After that, I tried to gain strength and confidence and went to play the some sort of 'inverter' game, where the thing like turn the whole thing around until our body upside down in the air. It was much more scarier than the roller coaster. But since I tried to gain strength and threw away my fears after the roller coaster, I tried not to cry for the second one. Instead, I kept shouting "Ya Allah!" for like sooooo many times I couldn't even count. Maybe that gave me strength.

Then also walked on the long bridge. I hold on to the ropes at the side of the bridge cos it was shaky plus it was so high up frm the swimming pool below. Then played wet games. When I was in the water for so long, I got bored and just did nothing.

So after sunway lagoon, went don't knw where to buy some bread frm subway. Grabbed the chance cos s'pore's subway isn't halal. Then went to nek yah's house. At night, went to pasar mlm but nvr buy anything. I just don't like to buy things I want. I just buy things I need. Well, nxt day went to klcc then went to Nilai which is located between malacca and kl. That was where I separated frm nek yah's family. It was so sad, lagi2 cos ............ Hmm... all the way back spore I looked outside the car window, frm afternoon till night. Plus hear songs frm my hp and dream away, think bout things... Hais.... No one knws.

Entah bila lagi dpt balik m'sia... Tapi buat masa skrg ni, mungkin tak nak fikirkan sgt psl org2 kat sana..... Nanti takut org sini je yg rindukan org sana, tapi org sana tk rindukan org sini. Sia-sia aje...

I put this in my facebook wall:

"Walaupun kita begitu rapat dahulu, kini tdk. Kau seperti sudah berubah. Biarlah kita berjauhan untuk seberapa lamanya, walaupun hati ini terlalu merindukanmu. Aku terlalu ingin mengongsi cerita dan masalah padamu, kerana kau lah tempat aku bergantung untuk menceritakan suka dan dukaku dahulu. Namun kini aku berjauh hati utk mengongsi masalah dgnmu kerana aku rasa kau tdk seperti dahulu."

Only me who understand this, i guess.... I don't want to make it look obvious that I'm referring to the particular person. I don't want the person to knw how I feel. I wrote that to let out my feelings in general, that's all... Hmm...

2010-02-12T18:24:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. esok gw bakalan ke m'sia. Akhirny gw bs g jauh utk ngelupain masalah apa skalipun bwt sementara waktu doang. Kalo gak, kepala gw bs pusing klo dsini mulu. Well, sbnrny gw mo ke kl. Mo ke sunway lagoon. Tp kr'na pake weekend car, jd cuman bs jln jam 3. Tar sampe melakany udah malem, jd gw bakalan nginap di rumah oma sama opa. Esok pgny bru beragkt ke kl. Hmm... Gak tau deh gmn nnt pas jmp org yg udah lama gw pgn jmp. Emang kgn sih.. tp msih rsa sebel ma dy. Gmn yahh..... Lgian jg mgkn gw bkln main" ke rumahny dy. Nginap jg! Hmm... gak tau deh!

Gw mo ngelepasin diri dr org" yg kayany gak bs ngelepasin gw. Maksudny, ngelepasin dri gw dr hati org" gtu deh! Soal hti kn ga bs dpaksa". Mang knapa jg sih org" pgn nyimpen org yg mreka cinta dlm hati sdgkn org itu gak cinta sma mreka? Kn cuman buang wktu... Mendingan cari aja org lain yg bs mencintaimu sepenuh hati... Dr rsa dsiksa kr'na cinta gak trbls.. Spt gw, gw lg coba nih utk ngelupain cowok yg gw cintai. Emang gak gampang sih... tp bs coba kr'na lma kelamaan mgkn bs hapusin mreka dr fikiran kta. Hmm... valentine's day udah deket. Gw emang ga ngerayain tp cuman tringat aja val. day tahun lalu. Itu emang kli pertama gw dapet kado dri seorg cowo. Makany, itulah hari yg gw gak bs lupa. Bs dkatakn hri yg brsejarah gtu deh...

Hmm... ya udah sampe dsini aja deh. Gw hrus nyiapin pakaian utk dbawa ke m'sia nnt. Tar klo gak siap, dmrh sama nyokap loh... Haha. Temen" deketku, gw bkln kgn sma kalian, terutama skali beastfriend gw, hanisah. Dy nyuruh gw pulang cepet krna takut kgn tuhhh... Ya udah.... DA........................

2010-01-28T00:25:00.002+08:00

I'm suffering right now.... Have ulcer at the back of my mouth and it feels like toothache. So pain until I want to cry! :'( Can't eat, drink and talk well. It's really so pain. The ulcer is growing big. I'm so afraid. It's so damn pain... Plus I've been sneezing non-stop since just now. Not sure if it's cos of dust or i'm having a flu. Hais. Now I'm stress too. People are happy, but definitely I'm not. I'm suffering! :'( I just need someone to talk to, who understands me, and is CLOSE to me be it physically or mentally, near or far. :( With the ulcer hurting me so much, with nose kept sneezing, with other problems, i just can't take it. Probably I've disappointed many ppl i love, who put hope on me. I'm sorry... :(

2010-01-23T00:10:00.003+08:00

For now, what i can say is that I'm just so fed up with many people! Frustrated, heartache, and bla bla bla lah............... Perasaan campur-baur. Okay whatever. Hmm, org yg kite harap-harapkan, jauh dari hati. Org yg tk kite harapkan lak, bukan dekat di hati, tapi setakat dekat di hp ajer. Kalau nk kate hati, mcm dlm sgt. Padahal tk pon. Hais.
Lagi satu pulak, harapkan org di negeri jiran untuk msg, tapi yg msg, org yg tk dirindui... Sekurang-kurangnye, tanye lah khabar sekali-sekala, org tu. Msg ke, antar email ke, antar comment kat facebook ke... Ni langsung tkde! Mcm dah tk peduli dgn org kat sini. Maklumlah, confirm busy dgn makwe die kat sane jer... Cemburu tau! Org da tk peduli karang baru tau. :S Geram betul.

Okay, so anyway i've made up my decision in forgetting or keeping certain people in my life. For this one particular person, i've actually made up my mind to forget him, and was already trying to forget, but couldn't. But now i feel that it's pointless to keep a friend who doesn't appreciate me even a bit. Yes, even a bit. The person always says that he'll always treasure ALL his friends. But it seems like he's leaving out some, so it clearly means that i'm not a friend to him, right? I'm just an unimportant person who suddenly appeared in his life years ago. When he wishes to talk to me, he'll come to me. When he's happy or found 'someone' new in his life, he'll totally forget bout me. So what am i in that person's eyes? A soft toy which you can play with anytime when you're bored and just throw it away when you've bought a new one? So why must i keep a friend like that? Especially if the person thinks that i'm just troubling him in some way. Fine, now i've made up my mind. I'll forget you since you don't care bout me at all, unlike what you were. You were a very friendly, caring, helpful, and more other good qualities you had. These were what i always thought of you last time. But now, you're just a different person. You nvr actually appreciate me, now you've become an unfriendly person and now you've no longer possess the good qualities you had last time. Let me tell you this. Once a girl is hurt by a guy, the girl will no longer see anything good bout that guy, even though last time she always supports the guy and say good things bout him when he's being embarrassed by his friends. Even when my friends commented anything bout him, I used to scold them and said good things bout him. Now I feel that I've wasted my time for the past secondary school years befriend-ing a person who doesn't appreciate me at all when actually i treasure him as a friend so so much. I'm sad, really sad... :'( I've always been hurt by his self-centered behaviour. He might not know. Even if he knows, does he even care bout me? I don't think so. That's cos he already has so many friends what. So i guess, losing a friend isn't a great big deal for him. But what if nobody wants to be friends with him? At that point of time, then he'll realise how important it is to treasure every friend he has, and not discarding them as and when you like. Now i'm trying to forget that friend of mine. If I still can't forget my friend, then it only means 1 thing. He means a lot to me. Hmm, after how many years of knowing me, he still don't understand me. Whatever la..... Now at last i have the guts to let out my feelings in this blog. I want to stop here for today.

My ending sentence for today is: "For me, you've changed. I'll try to forget you, even though you mean a lot to me. I'm sure you're happy that I'm forgetting you. Go ahead and find happiness in your life. I'll no longer interfere in your life."

2010-01-03T18:09:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i last updated my blog. I'm so sorry for that. I hope abg husairi won't be angry with me. He must have been looking at my blog everytime he online. But it turns out that it is still the same old post. Hmm.... really really sorry.

Well, it's a new year now. The memories that I had a year ago is now a 2 years ago thing. And 2 years ago thing, has become 3 years ago thing. It looks like really long time ago, but I feel that it's so new. In other way, it means that I feel that the first time I saw and know abg husairi's family and nek su's family was last year, when they came to S'pore. At the end of the year, I followed grandma back to kampung, and when nek su brought me to KL, I saw him again for the 2nd time. It feels so new, when actually it was 2 years ago, 2008. Last year, which is 2009, was the 3rd time I saw him again when he came to Singapore. The 4th time was also in 2009, during hari raya haji, when I celebrated in Malacca. For this year, I'm not sure what's going to happen. Maybe I'll get to meet abg husairi for one time only in this year. Or maybe, not at all. Maybe next year then I'll get to see him again. Or who knows 2 or 3 years later then I get to see him again? Or may not see him again forever? Who knows he's married or engaged at that time? Even if he's going to marry, who knows I'm too busy with work by then, and then can't attend his wedding at KL? Haissssss I was just thinking out of the box. Haha. Trying to gather all the possibilities that will happen. Now it's been so long since I last messaged him. The last time was when I was in Malacca. Messaged halfway then I couldn't reply him cos my overseas prepaid was low already. All finished cos of busy messaging him. Serve me right. Haha. Now I've learnt my lesson. I SHOULD NOT MESSAGE HIM WHEN I'M IN M'SIA. IT'S DOUBLE EXPENSIVE BUT DOUBLE FUN! HAHA. If I want to message him, wait till I reach S'pore. Then it'll be cheaper messaging to M'sia. Haiss... And today, I top up my prepaid card and therefore, there's overseas money. Well, I messaged him, but I guess he's busy sleeping or busy with his own things, and that's why he didn't reply. Hmmm....

For this new year, I really hope it's going to be a good one. Even though I've finished school now, and going to enter into another different schooling life, I really hope that I'll have wonderful new friends this year. But fear not. Secondary school friends will always be remembered, especially my bestfriends, kak hanisah and ashwini. For now, I have to stay at home while waiting for my 'O' level results to be released. Hanisah told me that it would be on 11 January, which is next week. This is the moment that I've been waiting for. But at the same time, I'm afraid to see my results. Afraid that I can't make it to Polytechnic. Anyway, for abg husairi's info, Singapore's Poly is like M'sia University. S'pore's ITE(Institute Technical Education) is like M'sia Poly. Well, I have my own goals and aims. If I can't get into Poly, it means that I'll go ITE. If I go ITE, I'll study really hard and try to aim to go to Poly. It's possible, if I study really hard. After Poly, I wish to go to University for 3 years. The course that I'm interested in is nursing. I love to care and entertain patients. Cheer up their day and not make them feel bored staying in hospital all day. I feel happy by making people happy. That's who I am. :) If I'm able to go to University, I'll consider taking the doctor course. That is where I hope my future will lead to. If I'm not able to become a doctor, it's fine. At least, I wish to become a nurse. :)

I hope that there'll be lesser people who love to compete in studies with me in this year. I guess some people are jealous over our capabilities and wish to compete with us in every way. But, the most important thing is, we have to have confidence in ourselves. If we do something just to show off to people about our capabilities, it'll only invite hatreds among us. Even if we are good in something, there's no need to show to people. Anyway, people don't have to compete with each other. As long as they do well in their studies, they do not have to worry about people doing much better than them.

Tomorrow is the start of school for every student, but not for me. I can say that it's seriously bored staying at home everyday. I would rather go to school, study and talk to friends. Haha. I miss the Hillgrovians that I always see everyday in school, even the ones who are not my friend. No hillgrovians around me or if I'm not surrounded by Hillgrove Secondary School, it feels like I'm no longer a Hillgrovian. From the bottom of my heart, I want to say that I love my school so much. :) All my memories are kept safely in Hillgrove Secondary School.

2009-11-21T22:20:00.002+08:00

Haa dh lame ni sy tk update... Ade ketikanye tgh exam, ade ketikanye rase malaaaaasslah pulak! Sy pun aru bis bace buku novel cinte yg sampe episod 90. Best glerr cite tu.. Sampai tk mkn pun tkpe. Rela menghadap buku aje hari2! Sampai tk dikesahnye org yg sdg bercakap pd sy. Cian... Tajuknye, 'Bayangan Rindu'.

Citenye tentang 3 laki, baein, umar aisy, abg luthfi dan 1 pompan namenye iddya. Baein dan umar aisy tu kwn si iddya sejak alam persekolahan, sampailah SPM abis. Baein tu kononnye cinte pertame iddya. Lepas SPM, terpakse berpisah. Si baein study kat luar negeri. Kononnye, sebelum die berangkat, die blg ke iddya supaya jgn lupekan die. Tapi akhirnye terbalik kot. Iddya setia menanti di m'sia tapi time baein dtg blk m'sia mase cuti, ade ke patot die blg ke iddya yg die dah ade awek lain. Ape lagi, terkejut bukan kepalang la iddya! Pade mase yg same, die terjumpe blk dgn kwn lame, Umar dan sempat berkenalan dgn abg luthfi, secare tk sengaje. Lame kelamaan, kecewa betul iddya mase dpt tao yg abg luthfi tu ialah anak susuan ibunye. Jadi tk bolehla kawin! Pade waktu kedukaan itu, Umarlah org yg sentiase berade di sisi iddya. Lagi2 time abg luthfi berkahwin dgn pompan lain. Susah betul nk terime! Kerane perasaan cinte masih ade. Sebenarnye Umar mmg sygkan iddya sejak sekolah lagi. Iddya pun lame kelamaan rase syg pade Umar. Pade waktu ni, Baein dtg semule dlm hidup iddya, sdgkan isterinye sdg mengandung. Ade ke patot! Umar nyaris-nyaris nk lpskan iddya tapi kerane iddya pun terus-terang tentang perasaanny pade Umar, akhirnye mereka pun bersame! :)

Pnjg betul citenye kan?! HACKS. Maknenye, Hanya Aku Cinta Kau Seorang. <3

Haissss. Seperti tajuk novel, 'Bayangan Rindu', sy pun sbnrnye tgh rindukan seseorang ni haa! Seseorang yg nun jaaaaaauh disana! Haha. Tah sape tah... Tp serase sy, sy akan bertemu dgn org tu tk lame lagi kot. Patotnye bkn 'kot'. Mmg pun! =.=" Anyway, tk sbr lerr nk raye haji kat melaka minggu depan! Pon tk sbr lerr nk tgk drama sebabak yg mungkin akan berlaku di sane nanti. Pasti hangat di pasaran klu dijual! Sape yg bakal berade di Taman Baiduri nanti, yok kite saksikan sahaje ape yg akan berlaku ye?

"Balik kampung.... OoOoh balik kampung...... OoOoh balik kampung.... Suke rie!" :D

Sekarang ni, dah best2 happy, org sakitkan hati. Haiss kenapelah ade sebilangan 'org' yg hidup di dunie ni, tk tau nk menghargai erti persahabatan? Yelah walaupun tk rpt, sekurang-kurangnye, tunjuklah yg mereka hargai persahabatan waima sekecil mane pun persahabatan tu! Ishh! Teruk betul la! Dosa tau sakitkan hati org!

2009-11-06T21:38:00.002+08:00

Actually I want to put my baby picture with my bestfriend in my post. But I couldn't. There's some problem. Who wants to see our baby photo, look at her blog. "Hanisah" is what i wrote for her link. Anyway, I'm so glad to have a bestfriend like her. She's one year older than me. So I treat her like a sister+bestfriend. We've been messaging each other lately. Even now we're messaging each other.

It's really hard to find a great friend like her. She always supports me when I feel very low when facing friendship problems with other people. She always cheer up my day, make me smile and make me forget the problems I'm going through. She cares and loves me. In fact, we love each other as bestfriends. Haha. When I feel that there is someone who tries to steal her from me, I'll get jealous. Then my behaviour will change and she always realise it. Then she'll comfort me. Humph. It's really difficult to hide something from her. Hehe. Well, sometimes, people are really out to make us jealous, by purposely being close to our bestfriend. Luckily, my bestfriend is not easily 'seduced'. Haha.

Sometimes, she does hurt my feelings. But, I don't take it to heart. I always forgive her. There was once I got angry with her till I didn't talk to her for days. At the same time, she also had a problem with someone else. So she didn't have anybody to share her problems with at that time. After how many days, when I'd cooled down, I decided to talk to her in the canteen. When I came to her, she started crying. She told me she was very sad that I wasn't there for her when she really needed someone to talk to cos I'm the only one whom she could depend on. So, she told me her problem and we talked. After that, we were okay.

Few days ago, before my dnt exam started, there was a dnt class but I didn't go, even though my bestfriend messaged me. I didn't reple her msg. Then after dnt class was over, she went to the canteen with her friend. I didn't dare to look at her cos I was afraid that she was angry. When I messaged her asking if she was angry, she didn't reply. That made me more scared and felt guilty. After the dnt exam finished, she messaged me when I was walking back home. She wasn't angry actually. =.="
She told me that she like it when I'm afraid with her. Cos I'm like a mouse, who will run away when saw people. She even knew I didn't dare to look at her face. Haha. When I thought bout it, it's funny.

Looking back at our friendship, I didn't expect that we can be close friends. Cos at first, she was just my st john senior. I didn't talk to her much. Only when i was sec 2, during the end of year st john camp, then I started talking to her. Don't know why, after that onwards, I look for her when I have problems. It's kinda funny actually. Since we always share problems with each other, we suddenly become close. Haha. Plus, I always support her when other people criticise her. Maybe that's another reason. At last, we're bestfriends! :) And I love her! <3

Time flies so fast and we're kinda be far from each other now as school will soon be officially over for the graduating students. :( I'm not sure what's going to happen in the future. Whether we still get to be together or not. Whatever it is, she'll always be my dearest bestfriend, whom I'll always love.

"Even though we are miles apart, you'll always be in my heart." Ily bestfriend. :)

2009-10-17T22:56:00.002+08:00

These few days, I feel very lonely. This feeling affects my mood and my normal character. I have been very quiet lately and prefer to be alone. I am not like the old me, who is always cheerful and always smile. Even my siblings and my mum noticed that. When my mum asked me why, I said I don't know. I prefer to be alone and lock myself in the room, as per normal. Then when I feel lonely, I will talk to myself, just to make me feel happy and feel accompanied. Also, I am becoming more fiercer and more sensitive. I get angry easily and get sensitive over small things. I don't know what's wrong with me. :( I get sad easily. However, I don't think I can share this mixture of feelings with anybody. I just feel better keeping this to myself, cos only me who understands my own feelings. If people were to ask me what's bothering me, it's hard to explain.
Betapa aku harap kesunyian ini akan cepat berlalu pergi.

2009-10-17T01:06:00.002+08:00

It has been very long since I last updated my blog. Sorry to those who have been waiting for my updated post. I have been busy lately. Studying for 'O' level. So, I didn't have time to surf the net. Therefore, now I update my blog specially for those who have been checking my blog for latest updates.

Hmm, last Saturday, I went raya with 4 friends, 1 godsis and 1 godbro. The worst thing is, 3 of my friends brought their bf along with them. I felt so low and lonely even though Azrinah and my godsis were around. I walked alone for the last part of the journey. Luckily, abg muhd sent me home cos it was already 11pm something and we were still at Fajar. Therefore, the possibility is, no bus will be around soon. So some of us took LRT to Bukit Panjang and took a straight bus to Bukit Batok. Since abg muhd's family members were not at home, he volunteered to send me home. At night, there will be many Indian guys around my area. So, luckily I had a company with me. When I reached my house, my mum helped to pack some food for him. My mum cooked but sadly, my friends were not able to come because it was so late already. That was why I gave some to him. Anyway, the first house I went alone was to kak yaya's house. When I got down the LRT, I was shocked when a guy behind me called me. When I turned, how shocked I was to see my ex. So he asked me why I was there. Then I said that I wanted to meet my friends to go raya together. Then bye to each other. Anyway, he said that I look different now, when actually I'm the same. It's so obvious. The last time we msged was last year. It has been so long actually. However, now is different. He's attached already. Jeng3.....

Now, I guess abg husairi is busy with his school or his prepaid is low. That's why I think he couldn't reply my msges. It's okay... I understand. Anyway, I'm updating my blog using cik baiah's laptop. I overnight at her house today. :) It's already 1.35am now. I'm still awake. Anyway abg husairi, till we meet again during Hari Raya Haji in Malacca kay. :) Miss messaging you. Hehehe. :D

2009-10-06T20:42:00.002+08:00

4 년의 계속 우리의 친교이다. 그 후 나가 당신을 볼 첫번째로, 나는 당신 같이에게 시작했다. 날마다, 나는 당신을 사랑하는 것을 시작했다. 때때로 우리는 말한다, 그러나 때때로 우리는. 지금, 우리는 이렇게 오랫동안을 위해 말하지 않았다. 나는 당신을 놓친다 그러나 당신이 걱정하지 않는 처럼 그것은 보인다. 나는 증류기 당신의 친구인가?
그것은 나는 당신에서 멀리 아주 이다 나가 느낀다 언제든지 낙상한다. 우리는 왜 거리를 지키고 있는가? 우리는 아무것도 틀리게 하지 않았다. 이렇게 묵살하고 있는가 우리는 왜? 년의 끝이기 위하여 려고 하고 있다. 우리는 조용하 계속하기 위하여 려고 하고 있는가? 때때로, 나는 느껴 그것이 쓸모 없다 4 년간 당신을 기다린. 나는 당신이 저를 언젠가 사랑할 것이라고 생각했다. 그러나 그것은 당신 같이 아주 저쪽에 정당하다 보인다. 나는 나 다시 말하는 당신 언제 지 생각해 본다. 나는 저 일에 앞으로 보고 있다.

2009-09-30T22:36:00.002+08:00

LOVE POEM

A Dream Come True
Feelings that once were hidden
Are now expressed to you.
Days that once were stormy
Are now the brightest blue.
Times that once were lonely
Are now filled with pleasure.
All that once was mine alone
Are now things we both treasure.
Nights that once were
now comforting and warm.
Fears that once were very real
Are now gone with the storm.
A heart that once was broken
Can now finally mend.
A person once alone in life
Can now call you a friend.
Dreams that once were longed for
Are now all coming true.
The love I once thought was gone
I have now and forever in you.

The Gift of Knowing You
When your times are filled with troubles
Sadness, grief, or even doubt,
all those things you planned on
Just aren't turning out.
turn and look behind
the place at which you stand,
And look for me through the shadows
And reach out for my hand.
will lift from you your burden
And cry for you your tears,
Bear the pain of all your sorrows
Though it may be for a thousand years.
For in the end I would be happy
To have helped you start anew,
It's a small price to
the gift of knowing you.

Well, this year will be the last year I get to spend time with my grandparents as they are migrating back to m'sia. I won't be going back m'sia every year. At least once in within 4 years, or maybe longer. :( At the same time, this means that I'll only be able to meet abg husairi once in 4years. We won't meet often. Since grandparents are leaving during this end of year, so my family and relatives are going to celebrate hari raya haji in m'sia. Plus I can't go for graduation night cos I'm leaving for m'sia that midnight. I'm going to malacca 3 days before hari raya haji cos I need to help my grandparents in decorating their new house there by putting furnitures. We're not celebrating at our kampung at Pulau Sebang but celebrating at the new house at Taman Baiduri. I prefer to celebrate at my kampung anyway, cos it's more merrier to celebrate in a kampung environment. But it's okay... :) As long as I get to meet my bro. Hehe. :) Mum told me that on the day of hari raya haji that day, we might also go to Padang where I'll get to meet nek yah and nek su cos that's arwah nenek moyang's house, which is abg husairi's grandmother.
Yesterday, during physical education, me and ashwini have become "professionals" in playing badminton using left hands! Anyway, today bro is sick. He has fever and flu. It'll be a lil hard for him cos his school in Perak has reopened. So he's now far from his family and there isn't really anyone who can take care of him. But I hope that he'll get well soon.

"I believe you're strong abg. :) Thira baru je nk elak dari msg abg. Tapi skrg thira dah kene msg psl nk pastikan abg cepat sembuh. Hais... I'll try to update my blog often okay, so that you can read about the things that happen in my daily life, instead of thira messaging you always. Thira shouldn't be disturbing you.. But don't worry. If thira want to online, thira will definitely inform you kay? So that you can ask me all the questions you wish to ask me since that time. Hehe. :) Anything just message me alright. Take care... :)"

2009-09-27T00:54:00.002+08:00

Hello. I update my blog specially for my brother who wants to read my new post. Hehe. :) So, bro came to S'pore on tuesday that has just passed, with his family and nek su's family. I met him when he came to my house at night. Silence between us... After that we went to mak lang's house. All guys in van and girls in car. Haha. Mak lang cooked mee soto and mee rebus. Kay so abg husairi wanted to take mee rebus and it was near to the metal teapot which was hot. So his arm accidentally hit the teapot. I was just beside him and I laughed 'a little', then smile. Ooops jgn mrh eh abg. Hehe. :) But still, we didn't talk. By the time we wanted to leave to go to busu's house, it was already 11pm. Me, kakak and shatira were like taking photos in the car. Haha. By the time we reach busu's house was 12midnight exactly. Everybody took a lot of pics at busu's house since busu hasn't met nek yah and nek su for very long already. Then after that, we leave busu's house at around 1 something? My family sent nenek and datuk, nek yah and family, and nek su family back to clementi. End of tuesday............

The next day, wednesday, I rushed back home from sch cos wanted to meet nek yah and nek su family outside. Sis was with them when they went to city hall. When I was otw to city hall, sis msg saying that they've finished walking around city hall. So I just waited for them at city hall control station. After how many minutes waiting, then they reached. Then we took MRT to sembawang, my aunt's house. In the mrt, me and bro was just standing side by side, but we were too shy to talk, until we reached sembawang station then bro started talking to me. Hehe. :) We talked quite a lot at cik baiah's house. Talked about the funny Ratatouille show we were watching. Anyway, cik cooked carrot cake and mee tomato. Those food were a new experience for them. Hehe. Luckily abg husairi felt that it was delicious and so because hafiz and alip didn't want to eat it, I forced abg husairi to eat it. So, he did ate the carrot cake. Haha. Sorry thira mmg suke bully abg. :D So all of us took photo together before going back home. After that, me and sis followed them back to clementi, since afiq wanted to meet them before they leave for m'sia the next day. At grandma's house in clementi, me and abg husairi talked quite a lot compared to our conversation at the rest of the houses. Then it was late night so me, afiq and sis had to leave already. If not, bus untuk balik dah tkde! So I was sad that I had to end my conversation with abg husairi. :( Surprisingly, he told me today in msg that he noticed that my muke monyok when sis ajak balik. Haha. :)

For thursday, I got to know from mum that abg husairi and nek su's family left from s'pore to kranji around 5pm something. They waited for bus 170 for 3 times cos the past buses were full. When reached jb, they drived their cars to malacca. By the time, they reached malacca was already at night. Since it was late, bro's family decided to stay one night at malacca and leave for KL the next day. So the next morning(friday), bro told me that he's leaving for KL at around 9+am. But tertunda cos he went for kenduri org meninggal at malacca. The time he started to bertolak ke KL was in the afternoon. He reached KL at 7+pm. During maghrib time.

Just now, cik baiah, busu riza and mak lang came to my house for hari raya. Cik and busu left at around 12.30am+ like that. Bro asked me to sacrifice at least a lil bit of time to study. As in don't slack around. So, at 12.13 am just now, I told him I'll study. :) Now, I'm updating my blog first so that he can read tomorrow morning. It's already 1.43 am now. I guess I'm not sleeping after this. I'm going to study first cos I said to bro already that I'll study. I must keep that promise. At least study a bit. Thanks bro for motivating me. Hehe. :)

2009-09-07T22:18:00.003+08:00

Bestfriend and me are back to normal, as in no more cruelling. These days, life has been sad for me. Continuous sadness. Both matters are about godsis and bestfriend. For godsis, I wish you'll get well really soon. Makanlah ubat.. Jangan degil. It's a matter of your life. So please please please, take care of yourself. I don't want to lose you. For bestfriend, I hope you won't leave me too soon. I f both are gone, who can I turn to later on? I always depend on both of them. They are the special people in my life and they're irreplaceable. :'( My eyes were filled with tears for the past few days plus today. Today I went out with kak yaya to jurong library. Met ariff and the sec 2 gal. I asked kak yaya some maths qns, then after that I stopped studying and we talked bout the memories we had in sch. Then had to win my mum's heart to break fast outside with kak yaya. It was so difficult but for kakak's sake, I was willing to do anything for her. At that time, we were still talking bout memories and all. Then she said bout this particular matter regarding her health. I was so sad till I cried. Then we met israfel at jurong. We break fast together at IMM Mac. Thanks Is for treating me and kak yaya. + thanks for sending us home by taking the taxi. So much money huh. Haha. Anyway, otw back home in the taxi, I was still so sad over the particular matter kak yaya told me. I hope she'll get well soon. :'(

Kak, please take care of yourself. I don't want to lose a godsis like you. Anyway, I accept you for who you are. So don't ever think that I can't accept you anymore in my life. I'll always remember you, even when you're gone. But please, continue living. Eat your medicine and throw your fear. This concerns your life! :'(

Love quote:~
I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I felt and still you would not understand. So now I leave you without a sound except my heart shattering as it hits the ground.

2009-09-03T18:19:00.002+08:00

It's 6.19 pm now and it's raining cats and dogs. It is as though the weather understands my feelings right now. These few days, I've been arguing with my bestfriend a lot. But I treated those arguments as part of jokes. This might be the last year for us to be together. At this moment, friends will always try their best to joke around and laugh more, even though certain jokes sound serious, and it has something gotta do with reality. Well.... even though at times, my bestfriend feels that I always finds her fault and wants to start an argument, actually I didn't mean anything. It doesn't mean I hate her. Deep from the bottom of my heart, I love my bestfriend a lot. I have always trust her. I have always look on her not only as a bestfriend, but also an elder sister. Today, she is really angry with me for always arguing with her over this 'particular' matter. When I was messaging with her about the matter, I was actually messaging in a nice manner and didn't mean to quarrel with her. But she misunderstood and was frustrated with me and replied me a msg that she never meant to tell me. It really hurts. :'( For now, I'll let her cool down. Also, to calm myself down. Time heals wound, no matter how big the wound is. It's the same as, my love towards my bestfriend will never fade, even though she has hurt my feelings a lot.

2009-08-05T23:50:00.002+08:00

Today was a great day. After school, went to see the uniform group people practise for the national day flag barrier, like what I did last year. Then quarrelled with Usamah's members over small things. It was funny though. But I didn't care about the negative things they said about Usamah. Everyone has their own negative secrets right? Like as if it will change my perspective towards him. Anyway, bout the mark at my left hand thingy that they were so busy talking about, it's disappearing soon. :( So, Happy Birthday Usamah. May your wishes come true and may you be happy always. :) Hope that the Toblerone was fine.

Well, today, I'm also happy cos at last I get to communicate with my bro that is living in M'sia, after such a long time I didn't hear from him! Omg I miss abg sooooo much! So we chat, he said he miss me too, he asked me how am I, how's my life. We said bout the H1N1 thingy that is happening in M'sia there and S'pore here. I asked bout his love life... Well, we had sibling quarrel a bit because of a misunderstanding about the different person I thought was his gf. Haha it was very funny. He kept saying that he told me bout his current gf before but I kept saying no. We had a funny quarrel and after that, I tried to flashback and I was the one who had forgotten that he's attached. He did told me before in msg actually. Lol. He said that he still remember my crush so I must remember his gf too. Haha. Then when I asked him if he still remember the name of my crush, he had forgotten. When I typed 'his' name, then he remembered. Aiyooo... He told me the name of his gf too. So both were fair. Anyway, before that, he said that I 'khayal'... 'Khayal' bercinta cos my msn p.m seems like that. I got angry a little but he asked me not to be angry. Haha. I wonder why, these past few days, people have been making me angry. Kak hanisah, CC, abg. But guess what? Sometimes, being angry is very fun. Haha.

2009-08-01T00:43:00.003+08:00

Hi. Yesterday I was back in school after 7 days of MC. I was actually sick since last Wednesday. There was mother tongue o level listening compre on that day. Yea, the day before was Racial Harmony Day. I was thinking, was I so sad cos my wish didn't come true and it lead me to becoming so sick? Luckily, my temp was 37.5 degrees when I took before the LC started. When I reached home, my condition worsened. For the sake of kak hanisah, I went to school the next day even though I was really sick. Cough, flu and fever. My temp was 38.3 degrees during temp taking in the morning. I had to go to the quarantine area while waiting for my mum to fetch me to bring me to the clinic. I waited for so long and I was so sick that I couldn't endure it anymore. So I laid my head on my bag. Mum fetched me and brought me to clementi polyclinic. Doctor asked me several questions and he suspected that............................... My mum and me were shocked. He said that he'll check my saliva sample first and if there is anything, he'll call us up. So he gave me 7 days MC. The next day(friday), the doctor called and confirmed that.......................... This time, my whole family was shocked. Doctor advised me not to be too close to my siblings. Mask, mask, mask. =.=" Seriously, I got too tired of wearing it everyday at home.

Alright, but thank Allah, now I'm fine, only that I'm still coughing and having a bit of flu. Now, I feel guilty cos another 2 brothers of mine are sick just like me during the 7 days MC. Ooops is it my fault? Hopefully, the results are pure and not negative like me.

Same thing again, someone is being irritating. Love is a matter of heart. Why can't he just understand a simple english like that and still doesn't want to give up? I had a talk with mum bout this just now. She said that she knows what type of guy I want and it is very difficult to find one. Even, she knows who is the only person I've met in these years who have the kind of quality that I want. But..... :( Sadly. Whenever it comes to love sadness, love irritation, love happiness, I'll always tell my mum. She'll be advising me not to be sad, tell me what to say to an irritating guy, and everything. She understands me.

*Wonder Heroine*
Same like Wonder Heroine. She understands my feelings too, even though sometimes we fight, even over small things. It's normal. No friendship is perfect. Example, when I was in sec 2, I was unhappy with a friend, and guess what? I pushed her table so hard that the table toppled. *I am violent actually*. I dare to do even worse things if someone messes with me. Haha :D But, I don't like to be violent to my Wonder Heroine. She's so fragile to me. Only that I always beat her hard or pinch her or both cos she makes me angry at times. :DD But all that are just joking only. Don't take it too hard kay 'weirdo'. Wonder Heroine, if you're reading this, sorry that I called you your favourite word. But it's true right? Haha. Jgn marah ya. ;D Whatever it is, just know one thing. Even if I'm angry with you, just come to me whenever you have problem. I won't be angry with my own beastfriend for long. So anything, don't keep to yourself. I know that I play a big part in your life(that's what you say). So, I'm honoured. Cccceeewwaaahhh! Anw, thanks for everything beastfriend. You always cheer up my day!

2009-07-15T21:28:00.003+08:00

Lately I've been feeling very weak. Tired of staying back after school almost everyday till 5pm+ to finish up my D&T artefact. Have to rush cos dateline is 28 July 09. Hais then always reach home around 6pm. I'm fasting for the past 3 days. That's why some of you may not see me eating during recess. Therefore reach home around 6pm, pray, bath, relax a bit and get ready to break fast. By the time I start doing homework, will be at night already at around 8pm+. Busy with homework till I'm too afraid to take a rest. Afraid I can't finish my homework and in the end, I have no time to study for my mock exam. Furthermore, tomorrow I have Maths mock exam paper1 and now too, I'm busy finishing my history hmwk. I don't even know if I have time to study or not. My schedule is so tight. I've been sleeping late frequently just to finish up my hmwk. So it just leaves me about 4-5 hrs of sleep. The only time for me to rest is 4 hrs of sleeping time a day. That's seriously critical. Day by day, I'm becoming much more stress, trying to cope with everything and all. There is no way I can share this with anyone cos I know many people may be stress just like me. This stress I feel results to headache. Sometimes I just feel like crying, but I tried not to. Even if I really want to cry, I'll cry alone, keep the tears and sadness to myself. I won't show it to everyone. At this point of time, my head hurts but I try to endure. This feeling is really making me miserable. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I always remind myself that I can do it. Now, I'm also sad because my classmates will be separated every maths period. The 'clever' class and the 'weak' class. Definitely, I'm in the weak class but sadly, Mr Teo Yee Ann isn't taking my class anymore. He'll be teaching my classmates who are much more intelligent. But he said that he'll still monitor us. Even though I'm kinda afraid of him, I still prefer him to teach me rather than trying to adapt with the teaching style of a different teacher. Our class always have fun during maths period cos Tamam always makes jokes. So just now in sch, Tamam made jokes again during maths period and the whole class laughed. Then Mr Teo said, "Next week no more fun and laughter already ah..." Me and ash were like looking at each other with our sad face. We were so sad that we didn't even have the mood to do maths after that. Seriously. I was like putting my head on the table. Hais.... Everything is pressurising. :'( At this point of time, I just need support. I don't want other problems to come, be it friendship problem. Even if people are bad to me or want to challenge me in everything, I couldn't care less. I musn't feel so low about myself. The most important thing is to have confidence in myself, in whatever I do. "Too over-confident isn't good", I still remember this message kak syakila sent me 2 yrs ago and I will always remember it. Another message I always remember from this special person, he said, "Nobody is stupid. Only the people who think they are stupid, are stupid." I've never forgotten this message.

Another thing that bothers me a lot is this particular person, who likes me, but I've told him many times that I don't like him, but I guess he still doesn't understand. Pfffftt. He just messaged me but I didn't want to reply cos it's seriously bothering my mind that is already stress. I won't entertain him anymore. Now he's making me much more stress. At least, if the person who messages me is the person I love, I really don't mind. In fact, I will be very happy and I guess my stress will lose just like that. But it doesn't turn out like that. That's why I'm very frustrated when the people that I didn't expect them to message me, are the ones who message me. Seriously, I'm stress handling people who doesn't understand the true feeling of love. You'll know how strong your love is towards a person only if the feeling doesn't fade away as years pass by. Knowing a person for just a few months doesn't guarantee true feeling of love. It's just 'a while' feeling. Obviously, love can't be forced too. I don't like to be forced to love someone. If I have feelings towards someone, the feeling will come by itself, and I don't have to force myself to produce feelings towards a person. Like what I experienced last time, I only noticed I love someone when I kept feeling shy whenever I saw him. That's a natural feeling. If my feelings doesn't change and doesn't fade away as years goes by, it means that I really love that someone. My heart is not easy to be won, really. It really takes someone special to win my heart. Once I've found that special someone, I'll treasure him for my whole life. For those guys who I don't have feelings towards them, they find it really really damn hard to win my heart. Some of them even asked about what should they do to win my heart. I said, nothing. Cos nothing can change the fact that I don't like them. The kind of guy that I want isn't easy to be found. Somehow, I've found someone but I guess he still likes the 'girl'. Hais nvm... :( Whatever it is, he'll always be my friend, even though he's cruel to me, or whatsoever. "Throughout your life, there are times where a friend messes you up and really make you angry or upset. Don't forget about it, but do forgive that person."

Sometimes, I feel like running away from all these things. I just don't like to stay in Singapore. I feel like migrating to Malaysia and live in Melaka or KL. If Melaka, I'll live in kampung, and become a village girl. I don't mind cos I grew up and spend many of my childhood times there. I can only remember my childhood times at the kampung, instead of Singapore. Funny right? Furthermore, it is very peaceful living in a kampung. We can only hear the sound of chickens, the frogs, cows and sheeps(bekkk,,,bekkk) and also sound of the motorcycles passing by the kampung. During prayer time, the calling prayer can be heard from the mosque. Very loud, and it makes me feel peaceful, rather than hearing the normal calling prayers from the radio in Singapore. At any time when I'm bored, I can just visit my closest relatives there, at Pedas, and at other different parts of Melaka. If KL, I can just go to abg husairi's house. Urban environment, like S'pore but at least it's much better there maybe? I don't want to live here. Even though I'm a Singaporean, I think my heart still belongs to Malaysia.

2009-07-10T22:06:00.002+08:00

Nobody's perfect. Please, don't look down on people who are not as intelligent as you are. You might be intelligent, but in what? Being so self-centred? Being proud of yourself? Stop it! Why are these kind of people living in this world even? Let me make this clear. Looking down and criticizing other people's weaknesses aren't showing your intelligence. You're just showing your stupidity and your immaturance. You have no right to treat lower standard people like your student, like, "Do you understand me or not?". Who do you think you are? You're just working at a counter. If there is no job suitable, just say! You don't have to 'some sort' of criticise people right? Just cos they're not qualified to work cos of their low academic results last time. Get alive! Just what right do you have to say that a person is 'slow'? Definitely you don't have the right to say that old lady! So what if a person doesn't know how to speak english well? Do you think your english is so damn damn damn damn damn powerful?! Oh come on! Stop acting like you're so good in it and stop giving your stupid lectures cos it's sooooo unnecessary and such a waste of time. Do you even know that sometimes your proudness, self-centred mind and stupid lectures can hurt people's feelings? EEEEEEEEIIIIII if I were there just now, I would have talked back and be sarcastic to that pathetic old lady. I wish I can slap her in my dream. How I wish I can inform your manager. You're just working at a counter, not a boss even. But you are such a big mouth! Talk so much as if people are sooo interested to hear your lecture. If you want to lecture soo much, go lecture at the poly and ite lah! Not lecture to a person who are around the same age as you. Is your status so high that gives you the right to criticise people 'sesuka hati kau'? Are you so perfect that you can look down on other people? You're soooo not perfect. If you want people to respect you, you better respect people first. Don't always expect people to respect you. I don't respect you seriously. If you like to criticise, do you think your customers will respect you? They'll hate you lah sey!

Sebel bgt ma cewe ky gini. Dy pikir dy siapa? Ngomong ky soq tw aja! Mendingan, lw cermin dulu dong muka lw! Mank lw pikir lw bs pandang rendah ke org seenak-enakny? Ngaco dech!

2009-06-12T23:03:00.003+08:00

Alright, tomorrow I'll be going out with my family, after so many months of busy schedules. Going swimming. Went to NTUC with mum to buy some frozen foods to fry tomorrow morning before going out. French fries, hotdog, nugget. Btw, I'm having flu now! Dust I guess. Can't be because of drinking soft drinks. I've been drinking plain water lately.

From last friday till today, me and kak hanisah have been messaging each other almost everyday. I counted the messages I sent her and the messages she sent me from last fri. Surprisingly, both are the same amount. 181 messages from both of us. We've been sharing problems alot this week. We messaged almost everyday. Night time will always be for our calling. Well, last friday, the last day of school, I was feeling so sad, after I reached home. I read some people's blogs and I felt sad. I've been sad over the same thing during that past few days. But on the friday, I can't control my feelings anymore. So I cried. At that point of time, I really need my bestfriend by my side. So I called kak hanisah, the person who I've been sharing my problems with since last time. She calmed me down, gave me time to cry cos I couldn't utter a single word when I heard her voice. Before I even started sharing my prob, she guessed already why I cried. She knows me best among my other friends. Even, she's my only friend who has been hearing my tears and saw me cry often. You people want to know why she always saw me cry? It's because she's the one who always make me cry. HAHA! Serious. Jgn marah eh kak nysa? So she actually became my Wonder Heroine.

Then on the next day, Saturday, I became her Wonder Woman. At night, ard 10 smth, I messaged her cos I felt that she wasn't fine. Somehow, my naluri hati said so. Indeed, she wasn't fine. Her mum asked her to go to the shop at late night to buy something. She was afraid to go alone cos the area of her house was so dark and quiet. So you know what? I told her to talk to me in the phone while she was on her way to the market, and back home. So that she felt safe cos I was in contact with her in the phone. In other words, I didn't accompany her physically, but mentally. That's what I told her. LOL! In this whole week, I have been lending my listening ears to her problems. The same problem each and every single day. Hope you'll be patient okay?

Wow! I realise that my friendship with kak hanisah is still intact even though it's June hols now. To my bestfriend, KAK HANISAH, thanks alot for hearing my problems. You have been there for me always even when I don't need you. This is what they call true friends. I'm so glad that we've shared opinions about each other. Dislikes and likes of our behaviours. I know one thing you dislike about me and you know one thing I dislike about you. So, I hope that we'll not repeat the same mistake again. If I repeat it one day, always remember that I don't mean it okay? It's always just a while anger, won't take long. Btw, I'll be bringing our diary next week. Your turn to write. To avoid my forgetfulness, I hope you'll remind me okay beastfriend. (;(:(:

2009-05-29T20:44:00.003+08:00

Now, I desperately want to get A1 for my malay 'O' level paper. It's coming this Monday! Last year, I often get A1 or A2 for my Mother Tongue. But for this year, I always get B3. =.=" It's becoming more difficult especially the comprehension. So, tomorrow afternoon, till sunday morning, I'll be overnight-ing in the mosque with Hidayah. Syarah not coming. ): Religious Camp at Ar-Raudhah. I know that 'O' level is on Monday, but it doesn't mean I'm wasting my time in the mosque. Instead, I'm going to make use of the time in the mosque to pray, hoping that I will be able to do well in my MT 'O' level exam. Also, I'll pray for everyone who are sitting for 'O' level exam too. :)) I'm really desperate to get A1 for my MT! Allah, tolongku!

Well, today, my SJ members were damn angry with that particular sir from Swiss. Directing jobs to my juniors at the very last minute of the West Wood, Swiss and Hillgrove combined camp, which will be tmr. But em not coming cos I'm overnight-ing at the mosque. Then we complained to Mr Pan. As per normal, Mr Pan has always been supporting us. He said, just don't care about their last minute instructions. If the officers dare to scold my juniors, who will be the instructors of the camp, Mr Pan will ask Hillgrovian SJ to pack up and leave the camp. Sunnggggguuuhhh baaaagguuussss! Haha. He's really sporting. If he's not happy, he'll confront. Best lah! Haha.... So just now after SJ finished, all of us went to talk outside school about our unhappiness. Then I accompanied Sheryl to Green Adventure at West Mall. She wanted to buy zip-lock bag for tmr's camp. Pitied chee cai, sheryl, and lynn. They had to bring heavy first aid kits back home to bring to tmr's camp.

Just now, I asked usamah some stupid funny jokes but he can't answered! Haha! Kasihan dia di-tricked olehku! :D HUHUHU!

2009-05-22T21:17:00.002+08:00

I'm going to type out the lyric of this one latest indonesian love song sang by Irwansyah. Thanks to my junior, syahila who recommended this song to me. She said that this song has a meaning for me, somehow. She referred 'Camelia' to me. When I reached home, I on the song from my hp and I cried because the song is really sad and can make any girls cry, including ME. So here it is.

Camelia

1st verse

Camelia.... Maafkanlah aku...
Karna ku tak bisa... Temani tidurmu....
Camelia.... Lupakanlah aku...
Jangan pernah lagi... Kau temui aku...

2nd verse

Kau, wanita terhebat...
Yang pernah, singgah di hatiku...
Kau, wanita yang tegar...
Aku mohon lupakanlah aku...

Chorus:

Sudahlah jangan menangis lagi...
Ku rasa cukup sampai di sini...
Mungkin di suatu saat nanti...
Engkau temui cinta yang sejati...

Sudah cepat lupakanlah aku...
Jangan pernah ungkit masa lalu...
Ku takut kekasih ku pun tahu...
Kau pernah menjadi simpananku...
Camelia...

Repeat 2 lines from verse 2:

Kau, wanita terhebat...
Yang pernah, singgah di hatiku...

Repeat chorus.

Well, I'm missing someone now, at this point of time! Haha I can say this cos he's away for camp and can't read this. But, he might read this after he comes back from camp. OMG! Nvm.

Btw, yesterday I selambe talk bout this particular girl that he likes/liked. I asked him not to be sad over 'something'. He knows what I mean. Suddenly I end the msg by saying, "actually, i'm jealous." LOL. After I sent that msg, I laughed to myself. =.=" Actually, I'm trying to be understanding. I can't think of myself. I must understand my guy friend's feelings if he loves/likes another girl.
I must understand even though I like him at the same time. Few days ago, sis hanisah was talking to me in the phone, saying that I'm so patient in love. I know how to control my feelings, and understand the feeling of the person I like. Furthermore, I've been patient for about 3 years+. When it comes to a point where I got to know that the person I've been loving for almost 3 years, like another girl, I wasn't angry. Sis hanisah aka beastfriend really admired my understanding character. I said that it's his feelings and no one can stop him from loving. What I can do is just to pray that he'll get the girl that he likes. Well, it's not wrong to pray for the guy you like, to get the girl he wants.
He told me something in a msg last year, which really touched my heart for the first time. He said, "Love is a natural feeling that everybody will get to feel. I can't say that it's wrong for you to love me. You just love. Everybody will have that feeling. That is why I still be friends with you even though I know that you like me." Thanks to this msg he sent me last year, I always remember that I shall always understand his feelings too, instead of he's the only one who always need to understand me.
I've been remembering this till now, and never will I forget. So, I will always pray for your happiness in any ways. Neither will I be angry nor ignore you. I don't want to waste my time not talking to you anymore. Instead, I'll try to talk to you as much as I can selama I'm still in school. I don't have the right to stop you from liking anyone, and I don't have the right to tell you to love me. It's all up to you.
"Jodoh takkan kemana. Kalau seseorang itu ialah jodohmu, walaupun kamu akan terpisah dengannya satu hari nanti, Tuhan akan menyatukan kamu semula dengan orang yang kamu cintai dan telah menunggu sekian lama." I hold on to this principle.

2009-05-04T21:58:00.002+08:00

Hey, hmm I've not been blogging for quite some time. I'm just lazy actually, but still ineterested in reading other people's blog. So here I am. Well, on Saturday, I went johor from morning till night with my aunt and uncle, my mum and my 2 younger brothers. We went to find wedding hantaran and cards for my wedding? Maybe. It was really a long day. Ate bout like 4 times there. No wonder I'm becoming much more chubbier. Apart from that, might also because I'm stress and that's why I eat a lot.

Even today, I ate 8 sushis, brought home by my sis yesterday night. 3 in the morning, 3 after reached home late from school and 2 for dinner, which means I do not need to eat for my dinner. I'm too full, till now, 10.12pm. I notice I really eat so much lately. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm not hungry, I eat when I'm hungry. As long as I have nothing to do, I eat. Haisss am I so stress as to result to this?

Well, today morning(yesterday midnight), I dreamt, bout the same person I dreamt the last time. The weird thing is, why must all the dreams I dreamt bout him must be sad? This time, the dream was much more sad that I nearly cried in my dream. Aren't there any happy dreams for me? Psl die je sedih, psl die je sedih. Serious I'm not lying. Is it because of our condition now that made me dream bout the sad thing between us? But what's the motive of the dream? I don't really wanna think bout it cos from what I know, dreams are just the game of our minds. =.="

Well MYE is coming really soon, this thursday. Fyi, I'm not prepared. Too many chapters to learn in a subject. How am I going to cope? No wonder I'm stress.

Btw, now, I feel a bit lazy to attend madrasah every sunday. No feeling of anxiousness anymore. Last year, I used to be happy and always anxious to go for madrasah. But now....... :(

Now, at this point of time, I'm unsure of my own feelings. Why am I acting this way in school? Why do I seem like ignoring some people in the school, when actually I really want to talk to them? Actually there are just 2 reasons. "D..........." and "J......". Will I be lucky enough to be in the shoes of the girl and be loved by the person I love? Well,, that's only if I can but definitely impossible. But I wish to! But I think that it's better to be my ownself, because I have kept a lot more memories than her. So I should be proud of that. Right? Haiyo Athirah... don't think too much bout it, even though this thing has been bothering you! Be strong! Go go jiayou! (:

My stomach is grumbling now. Hungry? Don't think so. But if it is, I don't care. Let it grumble even if I were to fall sick because of not eating.

Umi Athirah= Wu Mi(dance honey) Ai Ti La(love mentions hot) :)))

2009-04-27T22:38:00.009+08:00

Today's chem was 1 period and was after recess and yea, everyone didn't do our chem homework. Luckily Mrs Chua was kind enough as to give us chance to finish the homework by the next lesson. PHEW! Then maths was next. At the end of the lesson, my eyes was already heavy and nearly slept in Mr Teo Yee Ann's maths class! I must be attentive in every of his lessons cos he might just call up my name to answer his question anytime. A-nd it's like alway-s! seriously. I thought my eyes was the only one that wanted to close soon but almost the whole class was like me! So Mr Teo asked us all to wash our face in the toilet. A-nd I was like splashing the water to my face continuously. (like ambil wuduk seyy!) I was so damn sleepy and I can't help it so that-s why! So the last two periods was physics. 6 students had to sit outside the class to take the physics test cos they were absent on the other day we took the test. Mr Choo asked to do theory WB on magnetism and I was like just staring blankly at the book?? I was just waiting to get my physics test bac after the 6 students have finished doing the test. A-nd,, shockingly I passed my test. LOL first time only. =.="

Finished school at 2.15pm and so I had like one and a half hours more before the phy remedial. Went outside school a while cos Ashwini wanted to buy fries. When reached school, I got a stomach ache and I went to the toilet like 2 times? Then,, oh yes! At last I've got myself an eraser. Sorry hidayat. Mr Bala asked you to break your eraser just to let me use it. =.=" HAAHAA. After bought eraser, me and ashwini planned to adventure around the school and we walked around the whole school, from top floor to the bottom floor. A-nd there are these 2 'jakun' malay guys from 4e4 who never see people walk around the school before. Curious people? Anyways I don't care bout them. Haha :D.

So when it's nearly 4pm, Ashwini and I took our bags which were placed in the canteen and walked up to our class for the phy class and bla bla bla. Finished class, Ashwini and I bought bubble tea on our way home. Felt refreshing! Especially when the day's hot and the bubble tea flow down our throat! Slurp! Yummy! :p

Waaah g kangen bgt nih ama M'sia. Pengen pergi ke sana tp kyny kagak bs dech. Ujian udah deket nech. Bs sukses gak yach? G gak yakin kalo g bs sukses apa nggak. Pokokny, g bakalan coba utk ngebuat yg terbaik supaya nyokap ma bokap kagak sedih ngeliat prestasi g. Sip dech!

2009-04-24T21:53:00.003+08:00

Here's something for boys to know.

1) when a girl is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind about you.

2) when a girl is not arguing, she's thinking deeply.

3) when a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she's wondering how long will you be
around.

4) when a girl answers 'i'm fine' after a few seconds, she's not at all fine.

5) when a girl stares at you, she's wondering why you're lying.

6) when a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants you to be there for her always.

7) when a girl says, 'i love you', she means it with all her heart and soul.

8) when a girl says 'i miss you', no one else in this world can miss you more than her.

9) when a girl cries, she's disappointed deeply with you.

10) when a girl creates problems to you, she wants to see how strong your love is towards her.

11) when a girl says she reserve you in her heart, she really mean it.

12) when a girl gets to know that the person they love, love someone else, they will be jealous.

13) when a girl ask 'how are you'?, she really cares for you.

14) when a girl ignores the person they love, her heart is actually saying 'I MISS YOU'.

15) when a girl look away from you, her heart is actually saying 'I WISH TO TALK TO YOU'.

16) WHEN A GIRL REPLACE YOU WITH ANOTHER PERSON IN HER FEATURED
FRIENDS, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU REPLACED HER TOO, TO ANOTHER GIRL. NOT
BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. SHE STILL DOES.

17) when a girl wash your hair, she wants you to be hers.

18) WHEN A GIRL IGNORES OTHER GUYS EXCEPT FOR YOU, AND NEVER FEEL TIRED
OF MESSAGING AND SPENDING TIME WITH YOU, IT MEANS THAT HER LOVE
TOWARDS YOU IS PURE.

19) WHEN A GIRL HAS BEEN PATIENT AND HAS BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR LOVE
FOR YEARS, IT MEANS THAT NO GUYS WILL EVER SUCCEED IN WINNING
HER HEART UNTIL THE DAY YOU ACCEPT HER. >> TO OTHER GUYS WHO
ARE TRYING TO WIN MY HEART, JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!

20) WHEN A GIRL SAYS THAT SHE RESERVES YOU IN HER HEART, IT MEANS
THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE SHE LOVES AND NOT OTHER GUYS. SHE
REALLY MEAN IT.

2009-04-18T20:59:00.002+08:00

I'm Sorry

I just wanna say sorry to someone. I can't accept you in my life even though you have been trying your best to win my heart. I don't want you to wait for me anymore. Find another girl that can make you happy, cos I know I can't. We just knew each other through my friend and it's not easy for me to fall in love with you even though how nice you are. Love doesn't exist in a second but it takes years for me to know someone really well and then to love him. One important thing you have to know. I DON'T LOVE YOU. You've been trying to convince me of your love towards me but it won't help anything. I've said it many times that I don't love you. I really hope you understand. Actually, the fact is, I've tried to love you but my heart just doesn't want to keep you. I can't even reserve you in my heart. I only reserve the person I love most in a special place in my heart. So, I'm sorry that I can't accept you.

"I tried to love you, but I can't,
Cos I tried to forget someone, but I can't."

2009-04-13T23:16:00.003+08:00

One word to describe myself today. Somehow, I feel sad. How hard I tried to forget my sadness, suddenly it appear again. Why? )': People seem happy but how about me?
That's all I can say. Don't want to think about it too much or it'll affect me.

2009-04-12T16:33:00.007+08:00

Now, I don't know where my life is leading to. Some people are living in happiness, and some are living in sadness. Throughout my sec 4 years, my sec 1 and sec 2 years were the most wonderful years I had in school, even though it was also filled with bitter memories. There were so many sweet memories I had and I can say that I really really appreciate and treasure them. My habit is to save every special day I had in my phone calendar. Looking back at the tears can make me laugh but I didn't know that looking back at the laughters can make me cry. All the birthday sabotage, talking to each other in the phone, sharing jokes, the time you sacrificed for me, taking a pic together which is only left as memory now......... and many more. Ran away holding a hp that was not mine.... (meant to sabo) I want to go back to the past memories and change things that I don't mean to happen now.

Does love at first sight really exist? If it does, is it true that love at first sight will always last long, like people always say? Or will it only be a while? I experienced love at first sight before. 6th January 2006, the first time I saw him. I was shy. People always say that shy is a sign of love. Only then I realised that I kept feelings towards him. From that onwards, no guys succeeded in winning my heart, till now, 2009. Yes, I waited. I had wonderful memories but why is it now................... I knew that his feelings now have changed. Changed to liking another person. I knew a long time ago, but just kept quiet till now. Is my waiting a waste of time? )': For now, I'm trying to accept the fact. It's actually hard to forget a person whom you loved a long time ago so easily. It's hard! But I'm trying my best... )': Isn't it painful after waiting for a person for so long, and it turns out that he loves another person? How painful it is, it doesn't mean that I have a grudge towards him. Instead, I want him to be happy. As a friend, I'm willing to sacrifice my own happiness just to make him happy. I'm happy as long as he's happy.

Remember this people, as a friend, you shall not destroy your friend's happiness for your own good. Do not think of yourself. Learn to accept the fact, even though it hurts you. FRIENDSHIP always need SACRIFICES. If there is no sacrifice, there is no friendship. Even if you're being hurt by a person you love most, be forgiving. Forgive them. Don't have grudge in your heart. If you have, you're actually not sincere in letting them go. This will make your love ones feel uneasy to carry on with life. Don't ever make them feel guilty for leaving you. There is only one word you shall do. SACRIFICE. Sacrifice your happiness in order to see your love ones being happy. "Put others in front of you." This is who I am. If I have a grudge towards a person I love, it's the same like hurting their feelings and I don't like to hurt the feelings of the people I love the most. My life used to be complete last time, but now, there is ONE valuable person missing in my life. Yes, now you know how valuable the person is, and I really missss the person. You'll only realise how valuable a person is after losing them....... )':

2009-04-10T20:51:00.005+08:00

Graduation "Friends Forever"

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
And we would get so excited
and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

[1]As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

"there's something I have to say. thanks to all my teachers." "goodluck" "thanks for everything. I need to say I won't forget you." "I need to say I love you."
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?I
guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

[Repeat 1 (3x)]

How will my graduation be this year? How will I be dressed?
Maybe people will not even recognise me on that day?
Shock?
Don't worry too much.
The most important thing that you shall worry about is,
will I be coming for the graduation in the first place?
:DD

2009-04-03T22:50:00.005+08:00

SPORTS DAY

One word to explain Friday's Sports Day. TIRING! There were quite many of the casualties. ): I was bored so I walked behind the stadium from one end to another end continuously like a person nothing better to do. LOL! Another thing is, I was S H O C K E D to see something unbelievable! So I was like "OMG! So different!". After the whole event ended, me, sis hanisah, dian, chee cai, wei tian, sheryl and syazwani(junior) went to jurong point to have lunch. At the same time, we took a lot of funny pics together. It was fun!

FRIENDSHIP

Okay so let's move on to the next topic. *serious mode* okay? Mode not mood okay? Alright. Hmm... Friendship. I used to share my problem with my closest friend. Problem bout this particular friend of mine, whom my closest friend and I don't like the attitude. For me, there are still many attitudes of my particular friend that I dislike. I wish to share the prob with my closest friend, till now. But I don't think I should tell her cos she might have a different mindset towards my particular friend right now. She's fine with my particular friend already and if I were to complain to her, I don't think she'll support me that much. Hais... ): Even sometimes, I just feel that my particular friend is trying to .. ..... .. my closest friend.

NEXT TOPIC!!! (DREAM)

* mix mood okay? Now mood not mode. Understand? Nvm if you don't. Know something?! On thursday night that have just passed, I dreamt bout this particular guy! It's been long since I last dreamt bout him and now, I don't know why I dreamt bout him. Miss? Don't know! Weird right?! The dream goes like this.

He was sitting infront of me. We were talking (reality: 'abnormal' cos we rarely talk in school lately in reality). At that point of time, he was already attached to his dream girl named ..... "You should know who". I was sad actually but I learnt to accept the fact. So after that onwards, I disturbed him by calling the girl's name many times. After I said the name many times, He looked down. He seemed sad. So I pulled his shoulder up. So I asked.

U.. : " Why are you sad?"

S....(his another nickname) : "Since I'm attached to her now, I can no longer be close to you like
last time. I'm sorry..." (he sounded like he wanted to cry)

U.. : " Oh it's okay. Don't be sad alright? I want you to remember this. (I hold his hands tight,
like giving him my support) Make sure she take care of you like how much I take care of
you. If she doesn't take care of you, TELL ME. Make sure she 'setia' to you. If you're
unhappy with her cos she does something wrong to you, COME BACK TO ME.

S....: (He just nodded his head)

What does this dream tries to tell me? .............

FLAG DAY (Posted today, 5 April 2009)

Yesterday was Flag Day. I went with my beastfriend aka nini(kak hanisah). Well actually we slacked a lot. We went to Lavender. Took photos beside fountain. From there, we walked and walked like tourists and end up at Bugis. So we walked around Bugis Junction and then to Bugis Street. Before going to Bugis Street, we went to mac to buy small coke. Kak hanisah bought it first before me. When I asked for a small coke, the lady said it was $1.95. I was shocked cos I thought it was just $1.00. Should have asked for extra small I think. Kak hanisah paid for me and I felt so guilty for asking her to buy drink at mac. After that onwards, I kept saying sorry to her. Once again, I'm so sorrrrrrrrrrryyy kak nysa!!! After tired of walking around Bugis, we took MRT to go to Causeway. Accompanied her to KFC. Then got to know from usamah that his donation bag was also empty at that point of time and guess what. It was already 3.30pm+. Seriously slacking. We donated our own money so after she ate, we decided to go back to jurong to return the bag. Then we went to west mall to return and borrow book to be read during reading period. WENT HOME!! It was really a long day but we really had fun!!

SAD (Posted today, 5 April 2009)

I'll no longer have grands leaving in Singapore. Grandfather at father's side is in Indonesia. Grandma and grandpa at mother's side will be returning back at the place they were borned which is Malaysia. I'm gonna miss my grands who are leaving soon to Malaysia. I want to follow! )': Looks like I can see them only once in 2 years which will be during Hari Raya Puasa. I might celebrate Hari Raya in Malaysia. That's what I want! Every year celebrate in Malaysia also can! As long as I can see my grands, that's enough for me to be happy.

See you in the next post!

2009-03-31T17:01:00.003+08:00

I felt a bit tired today. Hmm, I've 2 maths worksheet, english summary and summary chart to be done. Well, day by day, homeworks are beginning to pile up. Sometimes, I do not even have the mood to surf the net to update my blog and check my emails. Now, my emails are bout 100+ already and I'm still lazy to check it out. The first thing I did and interested in is to check my blog and read other people's blog.

My mood was disturbed just now in the morning. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to compete with others in any ways. In terms of studies is one of them. Sports games? Well I guess that it's just stupid for certain people to compete in games. Win or lose, do you think I care? It's just a game and not a competition. =.=" no big deal seriously. Even if I lose in a so-called 'not a competition game', I don't even complain. Some people just love to complain. For the ones who 'succeeded', sometimes are too proud of themselves. In my opinion, people who react in being proud is cos they hardly succeed in what they've been doing and they've been trying to compete with others. When they've succeeded, that's when they thought that they're 'so-called' the best cos they're jealous of other people's ability to do something in the first place. I'm sure for those people who received this kind of stupid attitude, you'll feel like smacking their face using which ever object you're holding on to. Whoever who read this and feel that this thing is referring to you, my advice is, 'jgn terase'. Okay? Cos I'm just stating my opinion and not being a hypocrite, as in talking behind people's back. I'm sure many people experienced this before.

HAHAHA now then I feel relieved after sharing this stupid attitude of people in my blog.
Woah I said the word 'stupid' 3 times. Maybe that's the reason why I feel relieved. LOL. :D

Apart of being relieved, actually I have this particular feeling in me right now, that I do not know how to explain. Mixture. 80% sadness, 10% happiness, 5% strength and 5% weakness in me. Sad of many things and happy of lil things.
SADNESS
- leaving school soon this year
- gonna miss my teachers, hillgrovians(everybody in hgvss), school(planted with sadness and
happiness throughout the 4 years)
- MISS my SJAB, all my beloved juniors who've filled my life with laughters. :'( thanks guys.
- sacrifice my own happiness to see my loved one being happy, even though actually it really
hurts.
HAPPINESS
- even if I'm sad to leave school, at least I get to forget all the problems I face with my friends
and start afresh.
STRENGTH
- waited for some... for almost 4 years. However, when I got to know the truth, I cried. But it
took me some time to cool down and now I'm strong cos I'm able to accept the fact at last.
WEAKNESS
- my studies
- even though I'm sacrificing my happiness for another person to be happy, it is actually hurting
myself.

MIXED FEELINGS! )':(: CRY, SAD, HAPPY. %) GOING CRAZY.

2009-03-21T12:54:00.002+08:00

Hello everybody! It's been long since I last posted my blog. Now I'm learning to smile everyday, like this, :). Smiling makes me feel good and forget bout any problems that come into my way! Hmm I'm feeling very happy cos I guess my life will be much more meaningful now, with the presence of my old bestfriend. She is, Syaidah!! We're getting much closer now and I just talked to her in the phone yesterday till late night. We laughed when we started talking bout our history during sec 1 and sec 2 years and we really miss those memories. We'll be spending more time together soon. Sometimes, life will be really bored if we stick with the same friends. Therefore, learning to mix around with other friends is a good choice. Right now, both of us are thinking of a solution on how to solve this one particular problem. Saving someone? Maybe. Syai, let's work together to solve the problem!

Seriously, now I really miss malaysia, be it melaka, johor, or KL. I miss my relatives who've always been there for me when I need them. Sharing love stories together especially. Shatirah, Alip(negeri sembilan), Abg Husairi(KL), kampung(melaka), ain(johor)! :'( IMY guys!
My grandfather used to say to my grandma that it'd be best if I marry with m'sia guy. =.="
Impossible I think.

I wanna migrate. Goodbye guys.

2009-02-20T22:29:00.006+08:00

Hello everyone. It's been long since I last post my blog. So here I am. There were too many things that happened since I last post. I don't wish to explain. Just one thing, I wanna thank usamah(my handsome sir) for the valentine's day gifts. I know that there were other girls who got the same, like the jelly flower, and almost all of them were done and given by zul. The difference bout mine was, it was being done and given by usamah. I'm not sure if mine was the only one or if there are some others done by him too. Nvm I'll ask again. Whatever it is, it's the thought that counts though. Other than that, thanks for the 2 sweet chocolate and strawberry cupcakes. It was nice. (Dah puji bnyk2 ni, jgn kembang k) but I'm saying the truth. :)

Here's one love story I searched that really touches my heart:

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later

That girl is getting married now. I watched her married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral Years passed

I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!"`I wish I did too...` I thought to myself, and I cried.

After reading this, I felt like crying. If I'm in the girl's position. I might have married to another man. But I'll regret for my whole lifetime for not confessing to the guy I love most. Now I know that being secretive isn't as beneficial as I thought. It will only cos me and him to regret, and I don't want to.

"Let me love the guy I love most in my life, don't make me regret and don't separate me from him cos there isn't any other guys who passed in making me fall for them. Not even one in my life except for him. He passed. I admit I do love him. I'm just too shy, I don't know why."
- Athirah

2009-02-07T21:09:00.002+08:00

Life's very difficult. Sometimes, different kinds of people can just appear in our lives, telling something that we're unable to reply back, such as "I like you." Can anyone tell me please? Just imagine. Can you accept the fact that someone else like you, and you don't like them, and it makes you confuse on what should you react? You don't know what to say. The obvious reason you have in mind is, you already like someone else for a very long time and you can't deny it. How can you just throw away the feelings that you have for a guy whom you've been liking for a long time? It isn't easy. Suddenly, another person just appear in your life. You don't even have a lil bit of feelings towards the person. So the best way is to say the truth that we're not ready for love yet. Only then, we'll be calm.

I'm a kind of girl who's not easily to fall in love with guys. Except for love at first sight? I've promised myself not to give my heart to other people, except for the one whom I've been liking and waiting for very long. Why must I give my heart to somebody else when I know that my feelings are not for them? I'm just lying to myself. It's really hard when it comes to feelings. No human can understand each other's feelings because feelings are natural, it comes by itself and only our heart knows best. Therefore, I can lie to people, saying that I don't like them, but my heart says that I do.

Heart knows my feelings, and I guess eyes can reflect the feelings inside me. Eyes have been the evidence and the reflection of my feelings. That's why sometimes it's easy for guys or girls to know if one has fallen in love with the other.

Indeed it's difficult to hide our true feelings, and indeed it's difficult when it comes to complicated love. Haiz...... :(

* REMINDER: I don't like to go out with guys I don't know. Please!

2009-01-21T00:02:00.004+08:00

It is currently 12.05am now. Well, right now, I'm hearing the song, 'Main Agar Kahoon'. I just love shah rukh khan so much. His acting, especially when he's sad and cry, and also his sweet voice when singing.. It just makes my heart melt... He's my only hindustan hero! No one can beat him. He's been my hero since last time. How I wish I get to meet him one day...

The song 'Main Agar Kahoon' just makes me sad and makes me realise that I actually can't deny the fact that I miss someone. Probably, I've been lying to myself until the time I realise that I can't deny my feelings anymore cos my heart knows best. Right? At times, I don't know why it feels like I'm trying to like someone else. I don't know why am I trying to do that. But I can't. It's as if my heart scolds me and tells me I shouldn't be lying to myself. But seriously, I'm unsure of my own feelings right now. That's why I think the best way is to write my feelings in here.

My sis read this one novel. It's a very nice story. It's about these 2 people who likes each other since secondary school, but are too shy to confess their feelings, until they graduate and lost contact. The reason is because the guy continued his studies in overseas. He actually knows that the girl likes him too, and she's been very faithful and willing to wait for the guy for very long. But sadly, he still wasn't ready to tell his true feelings. So after they graduated and lost contact with each other, he regretted for not telling his true feelings towards the girl, who he've been liking for quite long too. He was confident that the girl will continue to wait for him. Therefore, he reserved her in his heart and will also wait for the time when fate meets them back.
After 10 years time, fate meets them back and surprisingly, they've been chatting with each other all the while, but they didn't know that they were chatting to the person they loved from last time. Sadly, the girl was already engaged to another guy at that time. But she can't deny the fact that she still loved the guy she used to love last time, whom now has come back to her, and only now he confess his feelings. Luckily the girl's fiance understood her feelings, and let her go.

The beginning of the story seems like my life story actually. But after the graduation thingy, and after the 10 years time, I'm not sure if my life story will be like this story. I can't predict my future. However, I believe in this malay sentence: Kalau ada jodoh, takkan kemana. Which means, if I'm destined to be with that person, my destination will be there. We try our best first, then we can surrender all decisions to Allah. Even in studies. Don't give up. Sesungguhnya Allah itu yang berkuasa...

2009-01-12T23:25:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum kepada abg husairi yang berada di KL, dan aliff, dan shatirah di Negeri Sembilan. Kepada kamu semua yang membaca, maaf kalau athirah belum masukkan gambar sewaktu kami berjalan-jalan bersama-sama di KL di blog athirah di sini. Sejak kebelakangan ini, athirah sibuk dengan pelajaran. Aliff pun akan menduduki peperiksaan SPM tahun ini kan? Tahun ini pun adalah tahun terakhir athirah di sekolah. Kerana itu, athirah harus belajar rajin-rajin. Athirah tahu nek su nak aliff jadi polih habis sekolah nanti kan? Haha. Belajarlah rajin-rajin ye.

Aden rindu lah samo kao dongan shatirah. Raso macam dah lamo benor tak jumpo. Rindu lah pulak cakap bahaso Nogori Sombilan. Takpo doh... Walopon jaoh di mato, tapi dokek di hati. Betui tak? Kalo athirah dah ado kredit, athirah akan hantor pesanan ringkas kopado kao semo yo... Jago diri baik-baik. :)

Now, I really have to put in more effort in all my subjects. I MUST always PASS!!
I aim to get 13 points. Is that possible? Depends on me! If I really work hard, it's achievable. So...... GO GO JIA YOU ATHIRAH !!!! YOU CAN DO IT !!!!! ;)

2008-12-16T00:59:00.004+08:00

Here are some love quotes that I like from my search:

There's always going to be
that one person that no matter what they do,
what they say,
or how many times they hurt you,
you will never be able tolet them go,
because they mean so much to you.

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved,
and you will never understand what pain really is
until you have lost it.

To love a person is to learn the song
That is in their heart,
And to sing it to them
When they have forgotten.

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.

A part of you has grown in me.
And so you see, it's you and me
Together forever and never apart,
Maybe in distance,
but never in heart.

This is what I say in Korean:
Tangsinul sarang ha yo (:

2008-12-16T00:10:00.003+08:00

Well, hey everyone. I'm feeling very bored nowadays. Seriously. =.="

Okay, let's start. Alright, now my plan to go m'sia this Friday is confirmed already so no turning back. I'll be there for about a week or more, but make sure before school reopen. I haven't even finished my hmwk! Gosh! Nvm.

Last week, I had 5 days of hospital attachment. From monday to friday. 8am - 1pm. Well, I had to sacrifice my hari raya haji for that thing. Luckily, it wasn't too late to see the lambs. Haha. So, the 5 days were a very meaningful ones. I learnt many things about nursing. Catertherisation? Bathing the patient? Changing oldies diapers? Feeding cantonese(don't understand what she talks) old woman? Some days were bored especially tuesday. The nurses on shift weren't the same nurses on monday. So, have to endure with it. They weren't that friendly except for some. For the whole day, I only served food for patients. "Boring...." Somemore, I don't know why am I sensitive to the smell of the foods for the patients. Everytime I smell it, I feel like vomiting. Rase loye lah gitu. Luckily there are 3 nurses that are very friendly. Staff nurse michelle(philippine), Student nurse lynn(nanyang poly), and Student nurse juliana(chinese, ngee ann poly).

Well, last 2 days were my b'day and I celebrated it with my relatives including my Pak Long frm m'sia whose b'day falls on the same day as me. We really had fun at East Coast. There was 1 problem happened which I don't have to tell what it is. There was 1 common game always played during camps. The game which we're blindfolded, and must find sweets hiding in the flour. At last, our faces will be covered with flour. Haha. Paiseh seh if people see. After playing games, we ate and my another aunt asked me and the rest to throw my b'day aunt inside the sea. So, when she was playing with the cake with my mum, we pushed her near to the sea. Me, aunt rizalia, kakak, ain, and rabiatul were pushing her and grabbed her legs and throw her into the sea. Then she, (aunt baiah) pushed aunt rizalia into the sea also. At last, both dropped into the edge of the sea. It was so funny. HAHAHAHA!
The day was very dark and we decided to overnight there. Guess what? I didn't sleep in the tent. I slept outside on the small mat with my younger cuz, hafiah. Before that, me and rabiatul(sec 2) looked at the stars in the sky and talked about the people we missed at that time. We were so syiok sendiri that I talked to the moon about what's kept inside my heart and Rabiatul replied.
But it was wonderful actually talking and looking at the stars and the moon... Especially with the ones we love most. Hmm...

Btw, to maria, sorry udah ngerepotin lw beliin kado buat g. Tp, thanx buanget yach cantique!
G bakalan ngeliat apa yg lw beliin bwt g. Haha.

2008-11-30T11:00:00.003+08:00

Hey. Well, for my friend who always read and have been waiting for my latest post, I'm sorry for not updating my blog for very long. Recently, I cleaned up my cupboard which I kept some of my books inside. As per normal, I always find the old things which I kept for very long. Many of them are letters being passed by my friend in class in year 2007 and some even 2006 letters. One of them is a letter which consists of friendship problem between me and my bestfriend that time. Haiz, luckily we're normal friends now. Other than that, is a letter where my friend said bout the guy I liked at that time, which I still have feelings for him now? Hmm, the answer is with me. Haha. Except certain people who I share my feelings with. They'll know then. :D

Other than finding old letters, I also found my pink diary which I haven't been written since the end of the year 2007. Now, it's already gonna be a new year, 2009. Many sweet and bad memories were written in the diary. But mostly, bad memories were written. :( Luckily, with the support of some of my old friends, I was able to endure with my life at that that time, when I was sec 1.

Also, someone had always been making me happy at that time. We didn't really talk at first cos were shy. But at last, now, I don't know how we can be friends and I love to share new stories with him as he is very sporting, even though he's bored sometimes, and get on my nerves. But it's ok for me. It's just a minor thing yeah. Luckily I'm a patient person. :) Somemore, he's a type of person who hears people's problem properly without including his other stories. I still remember the first time I knew him and have that 'feeling'. It was during the first week of my secondary 1 school life. On the friday, which was my sec 1 orientation camp, at night, during the class skit. Then the story continues itself and I don't have to tell........................

I know that it will soon be 3 years... My friend can't believe it when I say the same old name whenever they ask me who I like. They taught my feelings have changed towards someone new. Seriously, it's very hard for me to easily open my heart for someone else. I'm like some other people, whom the feelings will remain and we'll find it hard to like someone else even though how nice they treat us. For those who've said that they'll reserve me in their hearts, I can't promise anything cos I don't have any bit of feelings towards them. What kind of love is this called? I'm not sure too.

I'm not sure why I have the courage to share this. Hmm.... Nvm btw, maybe I'm not gonna be in S'pore from 19 Dec onwards. I might be going to my grandma's kampung at Pulau Sebang at Malacca. There's a wedding invitation there. Might be going there with my sis and grandma. Also, we might be there for 1 week or less. So, hopefully nobody will miss me when I'm away...
Hmmm....

Stay tune for the next post which I don't know when. Bye. Take care... :)

2008-10-11T00:23:00.002+08:00

Well hey... It has been long I haven't updated my blog. My comp screen had a prob. Therefore, I'm here at my aunt house to check my emails and update my blog. Well, on Monday will be my last paper which is DnT.

I feel sad for a friend who has gone through a lot of friendship problems, but is still able to cope with the problems. I admit I felt angry with the person sometimes. However, I kept thinking if it is a good idea to do that when the person himself is facing problems. Probably, it's right for me to be angry at certain times but when it comes to another prob that was being faced by him, I think it's cruel for me to add up more pressure into him. Well, changes do happen in life. But I keep thinking if I am the cause of the changes in a person. Some ppl may think that they're changing to the worst but some may think to the better. I can't decide on this. It depends on the person itself. If they know what is right and what is wrong, it's good then.

For me, even though there is a sense of anger in myself, I do care bout my friends' feelings. Even though how angry I am, I'll hide away all those feelings and show understanding and care towards them as they need it more than I do. In crisis time, I don't think that I must be selfish and think of myself. I must also care and try to understand the situation my friend is in to. I must put myself in their shoes. If not, there'll not be understanding in each other and there'll be lost of communication, which I don't hope to face.

Friendship is not to forget, but to forgive.
Not to see, but to understand.
Not to hear, but to listen.
Not to let go, but to HOLD ON!!
Don't leave the one you love for the one you like,
cos the person that you like will leave you for the person they love.

2008-09-04T13:15:00.003+08:00

Hey... This is a photo of me and my bro during last yr's hari raya. Hmm.... For this yr, my family is gonna wear red colour. :) Erm... I wonder why I feel miss towards the people whom I know long time ago in this month of Ramadan. Probably, this month is helping us to remember the people whom we've been close to but not, for now. I miss my secondary one life even though I went through uncountable incidents. My secondary one life was full of memories and full of sadness. However, I'm happy that I've managed to forget everything and start a new life. As time goes by, I thought that a friendship will last long. But it ends up the opposite way. No matter what, I'm glad that I'm still patient and I know that I have friends ard me whom I can talk to about my problems. In life, I know that people will KNOW and FORGET. Therefore, we have to accept it. In this holy month, I would just wanna say sorry to all the people whom I know, and whom I've known before. Sorry if I've done something wrong and made all of you angry...

For those whom I've known before, I'd like to say thank you for all the encouragements and thanks for cheering me up when I'm sad. I'd miss you and I hope that you're always fine and take care of yourself. Also, thanks for enduring my childish behaviour last time. I'll always remember you and the memories we had. )':

For abg husairi, if you are free now and are reading my blog, I just wanna say that I miss you so much and really hope that I get to talk to you soon. I know that you're busy but I hope that you'll always remember me. Somemore, in this holy month, I wanna say sorry if I've hurt your feelings before. Msg or send me comment when you're free k? ):

Lastly, for this one particular guy..... I can see that you're trying your best to change to your old self back. But I hope that it'll not affect your true behaviour k? Sometimes, I feel sad cos I just feel that your behaviour is changing to a far difference. Far difference which is becoming a bad person. You're starting to say all the things that I didn't expect you to say out. Don't be mistaken. I just feel that by mixing ard with more guys isn't a good idea. You're not changing into a much more good person but opposite of that. I hope that you'll reflect on yourself if you know who you are. Cos I just want the best for you...

2008-08-15T22:32:00.003+08:00

Hey. It's been a long time since I updated my blog. I was too busy with NDP 08 at marina bay, with some SL preparation for teacher's day, and also preparation for my SJ Zone 4 Presentation night tomorrow. So, for the SLs, I'm sorry cos I've not been attending the SL meeting because I was too bz with my CCA. Hopefully, i'm able to come for the next meeting yeah.

Nowadays, I'm not sure why I'm a bit sensitive. Haha. Jealous on a small thing. Weird right?
However, I know there's nothing to be jealous of but I'm not sure why am I feeling like this... ):
Now, I'm hearing the song, Serenade to Spring. It is a sentimental song and it will always make me feel sad and wanna cry. Somemore, I'm talking bout jealousy... makes me even more sad..
And now, you can see that I'm dragging my words.... Hehe.. follow the mood of the song. Haha.

Well, I wanna thank Usamah cos he've been sacrificing for my CCA dance presentation night
that will take place tmr. He've been helping me with the songs, and some of the dance steps.
He even helped to insert the songs into a new disc again after I told him that the previous disc
was lost. THANK YOU SO MUCH 'SIR' . . . Haha i appreciate it so much. (:

2008-07-29T23:30:00.002+08:00

I keep asking myself. Why is it that people always make me angry? Truthfully, I don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings but sometimes you all just get on my nerves. It's very hurting for me to keep scolding people for being forgetful. But please, at least for once, just don't mess around with me again cos if I'm really angry, it's very difficult for me to control my feelings. Somemore if I scold a person who ...................... I find it hard to continue scolding you cos by looking at your face, it always makes me laugh. Therefore, PLEASE understand me and be much more concerned. PLEASE. I don't wanna fight over a minor prob. I just need a minute only for you to give me your understanding. Is that so difficult?

2008-07-29T20:43:00.003+08:00

MY ALL - MARIAH CAREY

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

Chorus :
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

(I'd) give my all for your love tonight

* The reason why I put this song lyric here is because this song really touches my heart because it tells bout how strong is a girl's love towards the guy ... ):

2008-07-25T21:30:00.002+08:00

First of all, I wanna wish all the best to my brother who've reached Perak to continue his study after a long holiday break. I'm sure he's missing KL right now. Huahaha nvm whenever I'm
going KL, I'll inform you k? Haha.

Another story, guess what? My grandmother is in Melaka right now and she stayed at Tok Lang's house for 3 days because she was sick. Therefore, my kampung at Pulau Sebang, Melaka, was empty for the 3 days. However, when she came back after the 3 days, the wooden kitchen door was opened and the kitchen was messy. The kampung was being robbed actually. Just now, my mother received news that the police have came to investigate the case. The funny thing is, the robber is really hungry that he ate 2 durians taken from the kitchen and even the soursop drink made by my grandmother had finished all because of that stupendous hungry and thirsty robber. HAHA sorry to say that yeah. Haiz now I just feel scared to go there because it's "so called" no longer safe to stay. Luckily, my grands bought another 2 new small house long time ago. One named Rumah Awam and another Taman Baiduri. Huhu.

Suddenly, miss Aliff, my pakcik, but i treat him like my bro as he's the same age as Us. Miss him because we last met during the June holidays, during the last day of trip in S'pore before I sent him to Keretapi Tanah M'sia. Now, he's back in Negeri Sembilan. Boohooo...

OH GOSH!!!! Now there are too many hot news going on guys! But too bad cos I can't tell you except for my closest girlfriends!!! Dilemma!! Satu nak menyerah diri kluar lagi satu pulak nak serahkan diri. Ape saje je....

2008-07-15T21:55:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone.

Today, I felt really sad and I dragged my feet to school. Do you know because of what? It was because of the sad dream I encountered last night. I dreamt bout this one guy (......) and a girl (.......)with him, at that time. If I was not wrong, I was with my SJ members or with the Sec 3 and 4 SLs because I remembered that kak syakila was there too. They both were .................... At first, I didn't really care. But after a long time, they becoming ..................................... Then I couldn't endure anymore looking at them and without wasting any time, I was tooo sad that I quickly ran to the toilet and cried.

Suddenly, I heard a voice, and a sound of an alarm clock. My sis waked me up to go to school. I didn't even get to know what will happen after that!!!! Is my dream gonna continue today night? Hopefully it'll come again and continue the story. How will I react towards .............. in the dream after that? After looking at them like that ''............................'' ??

My dream last night may be short but it had a huge effect on me. Really. I'm not lying. If I am lying, why should I be feeling sad + other feelings? Even my heart was beating fast when I wanted to bath. Suddenly, tears dropped to my cheeks on its own. See how sad the dream is? Why should I be sensitive over a dream like that? Is there a reason behind it? Probably I'll know it one day. Just have to wait yeah. )':

2008-07-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

Kebingungan...... dan kesedihan...

Aku sedang menangis pada waktu ini. Bingung dan sedih kerana terlalu banyak kerja yang
harus dihabiskan. Betapa gembiranya aku jikalau hidup ini dipenuhi dengan kegembiraan
dan bukan kebingungan. Mungkin ini adalah sebabnya mengapa aku sudah dapat merasakan kesedihan di sekolah tadi. Rupa-rupanya, memang ada sesuatu yang akan membuat aku sedih dan bingung. Terlalu banyak kerja yang harus aku habiskan. Mungkin salah aku juga kerana
aku terlupa untuk membeli 8 ring files yang diperlukan untuk meeting esok. Namun, bukan
salah aku juga kerana aku terlalu sibuk sehinggakan aku terlupa untuk membeli fail2 itu.
Aku 'stress'... Walau apapun, aku bersyukur kerana teman perempuan aku telah menenangkanku di dalam telefon. Terima kasih ya kak nysa. (: Sekarang ini, aku harus berusaha untuk mendapatkan 8 ring files itu esok sebelum meeting. Aku harus membuat suatu
pengorbanan yang mungkin akan menjejaskan diriku sendiri akhirnya? Aku pun tidak tahu. Aku cuma bisa berdoa agar aku akan tabah menghadapi semua ini. ):

2008-06-27T21:05:00.002+08:00

Hey. Today, I'm gonna let out all my feelings inside this post so that my heart will be calm.

Kata hati...

Semakin hari, perasaan ini semakin bertambah. Hatiku resah. Mengapakah ianya sukar untuk aku menghapuskan perasaan ini? Sudah hampir tiga tahun dan aku masih tidak dapat melupakanmu. Kadang kala, hati ini tertanya-tanya. Adakah hikmah di sebaliknya? Namun, bagi aku, jikalau kita terpisah suatu hari nanti, tidak bermaksud bahawa kita akan berpisah buat selama-lamanya. Jikalau kita ditakdirkan bersama-sama, Tuhan akan mempertemukan kita lagi suatu hari nanti. Cuma kita tidak mampu untuk menentukan bila ia akan berlaku. Daripada pandangan teman-temanku, kau tidaklah sekacak manapun. Namun, aku selalu membela dan memberitahu bahawa aku menyukaimu bukan kerana wajahmu. Tetapi kerana hatimu yang baik yang ku kenali sejak tiga tahun yang lalu. Terlalu ramai lelaki yang ku kenali. Namun, tidak ada satu pun yang berkenan di hati. Kau lah lelaki yang terbaik yang pernah ku kenali.

Adakah bukti ini tidak cukup untuk menyatakan betapa kuat cinta aku kepadamu?

Translation:

As days goes by, this feelings increases. My heart's not calm. Why is it difficult for me to throw away this feelings? It's nearly three years and I still can't forget you. Sometimes, my heart keeps asking. Is there a reason behind this? However, for me, if we are separated one day, it doesn't mean that we'll separate for the whole life. If we're destined to be together, Allah will meet us up. Only that we don't know when. From my friend's opinion, you're not handsome. However, I always support you and said that I love you, not because of your face, but is because of your kind heart that I know 3 years ago. Many guys that I've met before. But, no one attracted my attention. You're the only nice guy I've ever known.

Isn't this evidence enough to show how strong my love is towards you?

2008-06-12T09:43:00.002+08:00

The Meaning

To love is to share life together to build special plans just for twoto work side by side and then smile with pride as one by one, dreams all come true.
To love is to help and encourage with smiles and sincere words of praise to take time to share to listen and care in tender, affectionate ways.
To love is to have someone special one who you can always depend to be there through the years sharing laughter and tears as a partner, a lover, a friend.
To love is to make special memories of moments you love to recall of all the good things that sharing life brings love is the greatest of all.
I've learned the full meaning of sharing and caring and having my dreams all come true;
I've learned the full meaning of being in love by being and loving with you. :)

This days, you may feel that the love I have for you have gone.
But, don't worry. This feeling will not disappear just like that.
Instead, I hope that this feeling will remain forever and I'm
willing to wait. :)

2008-06-08T16:41:00.002+08:00

Hey guys. Sorry that it has been long I didn't update my blog. I have been very bz lately. Becoming a tourist for my relatives who came from KL to S'pore and SJ training camp.
My relatives were actually my uncles who are actually just around my age. Therefore, I treat them like my own brother especially abg husairi. Haha it was fun. They had 4 days of vacation to Singapore and their last day was on thursday that had just left. We went to sentosa island on the 3rd day and it was the only day I managed to speak to abg husairi. Lol. Dua2 pemalu lah katekan. Then the next day, sacrificed my SJ pre-camp just to go and send my relatives to the railway station. Haha. It's so funny. Then I kept waving at abg husairi until he's gone... ):
However, I'm still communicating with him right now. We're trying to keep in touch.

Bout SJ camp, it was held at Swiss. Today was the last day of camp and I'm very tired even though I didn't do anything much. My logistics stuff were all done so what I did was to walk ard the school and see what the cadets are doing. Sometimes, I trained their footdrills. So yahoo! Camp is over and now I have to look forward to OBS camp. I'm too tired of going to many camps and packing the same old stuff. Pfffttt. Well, I only have this to talk about. Next time, if there's more interesting news coming up, I'll update, 'ye Samad'.... Haha. :D

2008-05-27T19:43:00.002+08:00

These are some parts of the lyrics that I wrote down from a song in Om Shanti Om movie.
Basically, these are the parts that I found meaningful to me..

I have found you but it seems that I've lost myself.
I want to tell you but then how do I tell?

(Yes I've found him but I don't know how should I tell him the truth?)

In any language that is known, I can't find the words alone.
To tell you, what you mean to me.

(I don't know how to tell you that you mean so much to me. You're just so precious to me)

What if I say, a beauty like yours, can't be found in this cosmos.
A sparkling demeanor flons from your face.

(I can't find a guy with a heart as beautiful as yours. Each time I see you, your face shines and it makes me happy whenever I see you)

Draped in your embrace... are both beauty and grace.
If I say, charisma as yours, can't be found & can never be around.

(Being with you is a great pleasure. I can say that a good guy like you is not easy to be found and can never be around. You're one in a million. You're the first guy who have opened my heart)

Speech day rehearsal

2008-05-23T23:05:00.002+08:00

Hey guys. Yesterday, dian was absent and I had to replace her by becoming the contingent commander. I was so scared because I didn't even practise a single thing. As a result, I cried not because I wanted to. But my fears made the tears came without me asking. Lol. The rehearsal was starting and I couldn't control my emotions. Hannan was worried and he asked Abg Muhd to guide me. Luckily my godbro was there to calm me and guide me. He taught me step by step and told me not to be afraid and we must have confidence in ourselves. When I marched, he stood infront of me to guide me along. At last, I've got it! Yeah thank you so much! I appreciate it alot!

Haha so yea today was a sad and stressing day. =.=" The sad thing is, Mr Koh, my discipline master left school. Therefore, the SLs made a farewell party for him. It was quite sad really. Hmm... then left after the farewell party and went straight to Swiss for camp meeting. It was really a rush. During the meeting, my dep. was the only one who didn't print out the proposal. Why? Because we're blur. No lah not really. The reason is because, there are still many informations that we haven't get yet. So........ Yeah whatever!

2008-05-18T21:33:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone. I've just came back from my camp and I can tell you that the camp was awesome because the sec 3SLs were the first to sleep in the apartment that were just built. It seems like a condo and we need access code to enter. Can you imagine how fun it is when we enter our apartments, air-con is on? My members who slept in the same apt with me were Zoe, Shi Lin, Valerie and Li Yar. I was very lucky to have Zoe in my grp.

When the first time the in-charge of the apt helped open our access door, we could feel the coolness of the air-con. Even when seeing the view from outside the door, made us say, "WOW!!!" Then we entered and "WOW!!!" again. Haha. The 1st day, we spent time in Lecture Theatre, an Adam Khoo's programme and the man named Gary was the one who gave the talk. He created jokes.

On the 2nd day, we took group photo. There was BBQ at night. There were conflicts between my grp and the emcee. The emcee offended my grp and SL Adam was angry already and then he walked away. Oh yea, Zoe and Hai Song became the models for our grp. Their costumes represent the Japanese culture nowadays. After BBQ, my grp slept at 1.30am+ just to practise our cheers. After being advised by SL Adam to sleep, me and Zoe decided to watch Transformers in SL Joyce's laptop. She slept and we woke her up just to ask for her password. Then we watched in my room, by combining bed with Shi Lin and let Zoe lay in the middle of the bed. Halfway, Shi Lin slept already. When I can't endure anymore, I told her that I wanted to sleep. Therefore, I slept at 2.35am. Then Zoe, was like 3 something.

At last, the 3rd day, we finished camp at around 4pm. We played games in the morning at Ngee Ann Poly. After that, we had presentation from each grps in the lecture theatre. The SLs were acting and they were very funny. Haha! Then we went to the conventional centre, time to release sad emotions by doing the mass dance. We had to dance with our own opposite sex partners. Mine was 'who the name i've forgotten'. Then we walked back from Ngee Ann to our apartments. Took photos with my SLs. It was rushing coz we had to go meet the others at the ground floor. Many people were trying to get no.s of their grp members when we reached there. So do I? I took the no.s of some of my members. When bus came, my grp member from other school cried. Sad to leave our SLs coz they're like our sisters, really.

When I aboard the bus, SL Regina, SL Joyce and SL Edmund waved. That was sad. However, I don't have to worry coz their no.s are in my hands!! That was my last goodbye for them. ):

2008-05-10T17:40:00.008+08:00

Meaning of a Red Rose

The most obvious and well known meaning of the red rose is deep love and affection.A special rose language evolved as a means of communication between lovers who were forced by society to keep their feelings a secret. And the red rose came to symbolize true love that would stand the test of time.The red rose denotes a true love that is stronger than thorns and can outlive all obstacles.Desire is another facet of the red rose. The red rose expresses the throbbing heat of new love, a passionate expression of attraction. Red is the color of consummation, of raging desires and craving passion.

The red rose, especially, a single red rose simply expresses, "I love you very deeply". Bright red roses are interpreted as the ultimate expression of romantic and abiding love. Their bright red shade expresses these emotions perfectly.In addition to beauty and passion, red roses also symbolize courage. The red rose is also a symbol of power, as represented in the War of the Roses. Red roses seek to congratulate a job well done, and to express respect and appreciation. The red rose celebrates the creative spirit of love.

2008-05-09T17:46:00.004+08:00

Exams are over. Yahoo! But but but I'm gonna be very bz with my SL camps. Haiz... Ok today I wanna talk bout love poems, taken from the internet.

YOUR NAME

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name on the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

LOVE IS...

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

Feelings....

2008-05-04T11:32:00.003+08:00

Today's post will be more to feelings.
Hmm... Sometimes, it's good to be invisible. It's better to see people then being seen by them. Even though we've been longing to talk or see them, sometimes our heart tends to tell us to be far from them. We may be thinking why but there's always reasons behind it that we don't even know. Perhaps, by being far, will help us to realise our mistakes and have the desire to miss them more than what we expected. It's better to have a feeling of miss towards someone than having a negative opinion after knowing them for quite long. Sometimes, people tend to do or say things that hurt their friend's feeling. However, they don't realise it until they notice if they're acting differently towards each other. For this prob, I've always been waiting for a day, hoping that we'll talk to each other. But when? It depends on individuals. If both sides are ego, then there's no way out for this prob. But if one makes an initiative, there WILL be a way out of it.

Therefore, in this post, I just wanna highlight, think before you do because you might not know if you've hurt someone's feelings, probably a someone who've been special to you all this while...

........

2008-05-02T21:32:00.002+08:00

Hmmm.... Days getting hotter and I'm feeling hotter and hotter each day. Well, recently, on Monday night, I asked my father to cut my hair. Probably some may not realise except for my closest friends. I did cut to make my hair look thinner when being tied. I prefer my hair now actually. My days getting more bored. I don't know why. From last wk, I've started talking Indo with Maria.
Hoho. G udah lama mau ngomong indo koq. Cumank gak punya temen tuk ngomong aja. Haha. Oh ya, tdi assembly ada semut loh d tempet g. G ky cacing kepanasan. Nisha minjamin tisunya ke g. Selesai matiin semut2 itu, g ma nisha ke kantin tuk buang tisu itu. Wah untung aja udah gak ada semut di situ. Lalu g ketemu Maria ma cowonya. Dy blg sorry karna gak bls msg g hari Wed. Dy ke Indon. Ya g blg gak pa-pa. Pas berapa menit, dy nyuruh g titipin kertas peribahasanya. Malay Paper 2 ky gampang g2.
Tp exam physics g yg udah lalu sukar bgt. Ky pure g2. Semua udah complain. Namun, guru gak bisa blg pa-pa. Ok dech hingga disini saja yach. Ketemu lain hari. Dada...

Exam week...

2008-04-28T15:51:00.002+08:00

This week's exam week. Same goes for next week. Hmm... 2 papers just started
today. English Paper 1 and Maths Paper 1. Maths was quite difficult. Hmm.
And tomorrow's paper is SS and Physics. I'm so stupid. I left my SS book in the cupboard. Luckily I didn't junk all the notes inside the book. At least there're
more notes kept at home. Or else, I'm gonna be dead. From the way I speak, is it
moody? Well I'm not sure but I think, yes. Hmm... I don't know. I just feel
tired lately and doesn't talk much. Just feel bored sometimes coz lesser ppl
to talk to. Hmmm.... Truthfully, I don't even know my true feelings right now.
Hmmm..........

M'sian blood + S'pore blood + Indon blood becomes??

2008-04-20T11:35:00.003+08:00

Hey. Well, yesterday, me, mum, sis, and bro fetched my grandmum and granddad frm m'sia at Tanjong Pagar. They went KL as there was one of my relatives there got married. If I knew, I wanted to go because I missed KL. Lol. Well, maybe, ard which month, my grands are gonna migrate to melaka, the place where they born. So, looks like certain years of Hari Raya, I'm gonna balik kampung! However, not the kampung now but the new house they bought. I love my kampung seh. Got the suasana hari raya if go there. But.... nvm. Since my mum's a malaysian, all relatives for my mum's side are in malaysia. What kind of family tree do I have? Haha. Beside my father's side: I got one french cousin, they're leaving in France now. My grandfather lives in Batam now. He's frm Indonesia I think. Sometimes, they come Singapore. While my mum's side: all in Malaysia. Some live in KL, some in Melaka, and some in Johor. So, where should I follow? Haha.

RUDE!

2008-04-18T20:52:00.003+08:00

I'm having ulcer right now and I find it diff. to talk easily. I have to speak without moving my dry lips. :( Hope it'll recover soon. Hopefully before mid-year
starts. Sometimes, it takes weeks to recover so I'm afraid if anything would
happen. My ulcer hurts. Feeling weak too and I get tired easily. Even headache. Had to finish up my DnT major project, so many research. Don't be sick athirah. Exams are coming.
Nowadays, I feel guilty, feel irritated with CERTAIN ppl. Guilty because I'm unsure of which side I should follow. Whether the person being hated, or the opposite side. However, I've made my decision. I don't want to support any sides. Let me be my own self, have my own opinions. Feel irritated because certain ppl just being unfriendly and didn't want to give explanation to what I asked. But actually that PERSON was the one who started the topic. Suddenly, appear offline. So... actually, I'm not only irritated, but feeling angry too till now. Only that person doesn't know.(i think) For me, a person who leaves during conversation without saying goodbye is being rude. So............ WHATEVER!

Friendship

2008-04-13T12:24:00.002+08:00

As a friend, I understand how it feels being said.
I'm not sure who is right and who is wrong. However, how
bad my friend is, me too don't expect ppl to say bad things
bout them. I felt pity for Usamah. Does he really have changed?
I don't think so. He puts his friends in first place. That's
what they call true friends, willing to sacrifice to protect
their friends. After reading his friend's blog, actually I
felt sad. I wonder why. Perhaps it's something gotta do with
friendship and I'm sensitive when talking bout these kind of
things. However, I hoped that there'll be no fighting between
them. It's unpleasant to fight with an old bestfriend.

SL investiture

2008-04-13T12:13:00.002+08:00

SL investiture which was over last friday. It was a very
interesting and sad day for me. Interesting because
it was my first time walking up the stage in a status
of a Head of department. Shivering on that time.
So nervous. The sad thing is, it was also the passing
out of the sec 4 SLs. I love my sec 4 SLs and how I
wish they will come along with us for the next SJ
island camp organised by the Sec 3s. After the whole
ceremony ended, we took photos together. I got to take
photos with SL syakila, edwin and kai xin only. So sad.
But it's ok. There're times I can take photos with them. :)

Osama Laden Jersey

2008-04-06T12:34:00.004+08:00

Today, nothing much to say. However, just a lil bit
of funny thing. I went hm from WM just now
and waited for the bus. Suddenly, I saw a guy, waiting
for 945 bus. The wierd thing is, he was wearing a jersey
with a name, 'Osama Laden' behind it and a no. 57.
Haha! It was funny and I smiled to myself. Lol.:D

'N' sissy...

2008-04-04T20:57:00.003+08:00

Besides getting irritated, I'm now becoming more and
more jealous. I can't tell I'm jealous of who, because
it's really a secret. Is it my uncontrolled feelings
or what? I'm not sure.

Haha there was SL investiture rehearsal just now.
It was quite fun. Luckily I have friendly
heads beside me, like valerie. Wanna know how I
could be friends with her? It's through the 2nd
time I went to SJ island. On the 1st night, I went
toilet for 3 times. Haha! I can't stand coldness.
Then on the 3rd time, I tried to find someone who
wanted to follow me to the toilet. Suddenly, I saw
Valerie not sleeping, also waiting for a friend to
go with her. So we went together. That's how we
became friends!

Back to the rehearsal, Dian couldn't stop calling
the NCC people, 'N'sissy, especially to Gabriel.
Hehe it was funny but I pitied him. I didn't call
him by that name. Even Usamah get irritated. Haha
funny. But Usamah and me said, we didn't wanna
fight with each other. So we just let Gabriel, NCC,
and Dian, SJAB, fight together. I'm innocent so
please guys, don't get me involved in your fighting. :)

Moody... Sad...

2008-03-28T20:20:00.003+08:00

I didn't know why I feel moody today. However, there's a reason why behind it. I felt really sad. I just can't say anything. Too sad to see many things going on during training today. People who used to be hated, seemed to be cared, people who used to hate, now seemed to care more. What happened?! I'm so called 'jealous' actually. I just didn't show it. Why should a person who used not to like the other tried to be so kind now? As if she's trying to take away my friend from me? Whatever it is, I'm glad that I'm a very forgiving person. I'll try my best to control my feelings. Yea, I walked in the rain alone. It was fun as I got to entertain my own feelings at that time. Went home with very wet clothes. Maybe because I'm just too stressed up and walking home in the rain is the best way? Hais... :(

Love?

2008-03-14T21:44:00.002+08:00

I love to be myself. I hate to follow others. I'm a very simple girl,
caring, friendly, loving and.... My name can be called Umi, Athirah,
thirah, irah, or rah. However, nobody calls me rah before. It seems
funny yeah. But it's ok if that's the only shortest way.
I want to be loved, and wants to love someone. Haha. Mcm phm...

Sometimes, I notice that love is quite complicated. Some people
prefer not to tell their true feelings towards a person.
While some, thick-skinned, are always direct and I hate that
kind of guy. (TRUE) I prefer guys who do not show their true
feelings. Awwww.... Haha seems like I'm referring to something
or someone? SECRET...

I'm back!!

2008-03-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone!
Athirah's back and I'm sorry for not been blogging from last year.
I was lazy. Haha! Just felt lonely sometimes and now feeling
bored with friendster. So thought of having a blog again.
Woohooo I'm back in 2008!

2007-02-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

MALAY NOVEL I READ..(SETIA MENANTI)

Harapanku,
Kesepian yang bermukim di hatiku akan berlalu
Kerinduan yang tertangguh di jiwaku akan terlerai
Dan semoga
Kesetiaanku menanti tidak akan sia-sia...

KATA-KATA PUISI

Telah kuakui agungnya cintamu
Telah kusedari siapa diri ini
Andai cinta ada lagi
Semarakkanlah ia di hatiku...

Sekiranya ada rindu
Masih lagi diriku ini memerlukannya
Seperti malam merindukan bulan
Dan seperti siang tanpa cahayamu...

Usaikanlah keraguanku ini
Bersihkan kembali madah kasihmu
Gapaikanlah tanganku kembali
Dan jangan biarkan hati ini sendiri lagi...

Jika aku masih lagi di hatimu
Pasti kau ingin kembali
Memberi erti cinta dan membelai hatiku
Senyumanmu menggigit sanubari ini...

This is the poetry i created myself..(below)

Kesepian melanda diriku
Ku bagaikan seorang insan yang keseorangan
Berikanlah kasih sayang yang ku ingini
Akan kusimpan setiap memori bersamamu di dalam hatiku...

Kau bagaikan cahaya yang menyinari hidupku
Akhirnya kau meninggalkanku seorang diri
Betapa pahitnya perasaan yang terbuku ini
Namun cuma kupendamkan jauh di dalam lubuk hatiku...

Is my poetry okey..??
I need some comments.. :]